Unrequited
by Jaded
Summary: What if Jackie and Hyde’s summer fling had ended at that, and what if she took Kelso back when he returned home from California? Alternate season 5 story.
1. Pumpkins and Mice

Unrequited 

by Jaded (opheliadrowning@hotmail.com)

Summary:  What if Jackie and Hyde's summer fling had ended at that, and what if she took Kelso back when he returned home from California?  Alternate season 5 story.

Disclaimer:  Not mine.  That '70s Show belongs to Carsey-Warner and whomever else.

A/N:  I've become resolved to the idea that fan fic couple-wise, I will always and only write J/H, because my heart won't let me think otherwise.  Damn heart. 

Chapter One: Pumpkins and Mice 

They broke it off officially at half-past noon when Kelso, Eric, and Donna returned home from California.

It was for the best, they both agreed.

A summer fling should be just that.  Something relegated to the summer.  Something fun, brief, exciting, but something with an expiration date.  

They ended it where it began, on the couch in the basement, their legs tangled together, his hands in her hair, her nails digging into his back.  Both of them breathing hard.  Neither of them coming up for air unless they absolutely had to.

She came over earlier than usual that morning.  Jackie usually swung by around ten, just as "The Price Is Right" came on.  Today she had come at nine, dressed in a strapless white linen dress that set off her smooth, tan legs.  She wore her hair loose around her shoulders and wore the strawberries and cream lip gloss that made her cupid's bow mouth just a shade redder.  He could smell it when she walked into his room, and it made his already foggy mind foggier.  He wanted to taste her mouth, but she beat him to the punch.

She came into his room while he was still half-asleep, only faintly aware that someone else was there.  She daintily lifted her skirt, and then with pure abandon, and with the new found recklessness she had learned over the past summer, proceeded to straddled his hips and lean in for a good morning kiss, her mouth soft and wet against his dry, chapped lips.  

Hyde felt her fingers run through his curly hair.  Her thumbs stroked his neck and the lobes of his ears while they kissed.  Waking up more and more by the second, Hyde fumbled with his own hands, trying to find something to do with them.  One came to rest on the curve of her hip, the other on her left shoulder.  He pulled her closer, her body pressed flush against his own.  He could feel her tiny breasts against his chest, and it made him want to rip off her clothes.  He had long ago come to grips with the fact that being with Jackie made him downright crazy, and in more ways that one.

She stopped kissing him then though.  She brushed her face against his beard and moved her head so that she could nuzzle against his neck.  He heard her sigh softly, and then felt her relax, letting her full weight press down against his body.  She was so tiny, so light.  He thought she could disappear into him if he held her close enough.

"Good morning," he said, a whisper in her ear.  Hyde felt her body shiver and responded by wrapping his arms around her.  With one hand he stroked her back, listening to her breathe.  So today was their last day, he thought.  He closed his eyes again, hoping to sleep some more, not wanting to wake up and face what was coming and was to come.  

***

He smelled warm like sleep, and his body was hot to the touch.  Jackie didn't think it was so far-fetched that she could literally melt against him if she wanted.  There had been plenty of times before when she had felt this exact way.  

Summer now seemed all too brief.  Had it really been two months?  Three months?  It didn't seem like enough time had passed, but it had. It would be all over today, their dirty little secret, and it would remain frozen like that, a beautiful, perfect, hot summer fooling around and fooling everyone.  

Jackie felt him shift underneath her.

"Good morning," he said, his voice still raspy with sleep.  She felt blood rushing to her head and she felt dizzy.  She loved how he could make anything sound sexy, and especially how many of the things he said to her in private over the last few weeks had seemed especially intimate, for her ears only.  It made her shiver.

But today that was going to end.  Michael was returning, and she had to deal with that.  Throwing Steven into the mix would be too much.  They'd have to explain, have to make everyone else understand.  It was easier to just end it now.  After all, Jackie reasoned, it was a fling, and by definition, emotions had not been involved.  Sure, mouths, lips, arms, legs—they were all involved—but not feelings.  Both of them had made sure of it.  The summer had passed and they had found a way to alleviate the boredom.  Mission accomplished.  But clinging to him, it didn't feel so innocent anymore, and it didn't feel like it was over.  But she knew it had to be.

Jackie heard him clear his throat and her line of though ebbed away as she turned and looked into his face, gazing directly into his naked blue eyes.  Her breath caught in her throat and her mouth opened just slightly. 

She had always thought that Michael was beautiful.  She still did.  It was hard to deny the fact that he was handsome and desirable, and all that a girl like her could ask for.  He showered her with attention, brought her presents when she demanded it of him, and made her feel—for the most part—desirable herself.  But he never made her blood run hot like Steven did.  He never looked at her the way Steven did with his gorgeous eyes, drinking her in, making her feel naked but unashamed. 

Steven didn't show emotion a whole lot. That was a rule of being Zen, but for all his self-control his eyes always told the truth.  When she looked into his eyes she knew she'd find him there.  He couldn't hide that he had a soul.  Maybe that was why he always wore sunglasses, even in the dark.  He didn't want anyone to know.  But she knew.

"I'm going to go take a shower," he said.  Jackie nodded and reluctantly sat up, straightening her dress.

"Are you going to shave that beard off while you're at it?"

He gave her a look.  "Are you ever going to stop being bossy?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Then the beard stays."  But as he got up off the cot he lifted her chin with his finger—a rare show of affection for him—and gave her a wry smile.  She watched him pad over to his dresser to grab a few things.  Taken by a whim, she got up and intercepted him before he left the room.  Jackie reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling his face towards her for a kiss.

"Don't be long," she said, betraying more emotion than she had intended.  

His face was unreadable, but he kissed her back with surprising intensity.

"You can join me if you want,"  he added a second later, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

She slapped at him.  "You wish.  Now hurry up."

But when he had left she considered his suggestion again, blushing when she realized that she regretted her decision.

_Stop it_, she scolded herself.  Today was going to be hard enough as it already was, what with seeing Michael again and having to end it with Steven.  There was no point in making things more complicated.

She had broken off the engagement via the U.S. Postal Service, and for all intents and purposes they were over, but a little voice in the back of her brain—one that disturbingly sounded a lot like Steven—told her that where Michael was concerned, it was never over.  When he got back he would probably want her back.  Maybe he wouldn't want to marry her still, but he'd want her back as his girlfriend.  They had done this dance a hundred of times before, different steps, but they had always ended up together again.  She didn't know if she wanted him back though, but there was so much tied up in Michael.  She didn't know if she could stop wanting to be with him 

Steven soon reappeared at the door, and all thoughts of Michael disappeared from Jackie's mind.  Steven stood in the doorway, a white towel wrapped around his waist and nothing else.  His chest was still wet from his shower and he looked fresh and cleaned.  He smelled like soap.  

She had him pressed against the wall in seconds, her hands running up and down his wet muscles, her fingers snaking around his hips and playing at the towel that was already beginning to slip off.  His beard was still damp, but she didn't mind.  It chafed against her sensitive skin less now, and she made a mental note to have him wet it down in the future whenever they were about to have a heavy make-out session, letting herself forget for a moment that things like that were never going to happen between them again.  

In their weeks together, despite all the heavy petting and groping, they hadn't had sex.  It didn't matter how much both of them might have wanted it.  It didn't matter that they were often alone together and had more than enough opportunities.  They knew it would make things too complicated.  Jackie suspected that while Steven wanted to do it more than she did—but by only a little—he also didn't, probably because he thought she would be the one to get too attached, too emotional, and he didn't want that kind of baggage.

But now she wanted him and she didn't care.  She pulled at his towel, kissed him, sucking at his bottom lip, and looked into his face, wondering if he knew what she was getting at.

Jackie always knew that he was smart and he didn't disappoint.  He grabbed he by the waist and flipped her around so that her back was against the wall.  He began to hike-up her skirt, the soft linen folds gathering around her hips.  Her heart was beating wildly and she closed her eyes in anticipation.

But even with Eric and Donna and Michael gone for the summer, the basement was never much of place to find privacy.  They both heard the back door creak open, and they both knew that it was probably Fez.  Scrambling around, Jackie quickly retreated to a hidden corner of the room and Steven crossed the room quickly to get dressed.  

"Hyde, are you awake?" they heard Fez call from the other room.  

"Yeah," Steven said, pulling a t-shirt over his head.  "I'll be out in a second."  He turned around and glanced at her before he left the room.  When he left she snuck over closer to the door to listen to what was being said.

"Kelso, Donna, and Eric are coming back today," she heard Fez say happily.

"Yeah," she heard Steven reply.  A moment longer, then she heard him say, "Hey Fez, is that the ice cream truck I hear?"

"What?"

"Yeah, it sounds like it's just turning down the next street.  You know, I heard that they have candy sprinkles now."

She heard the shuffling of feet, the slam of the door, and then feeling brave, walked out of the room.  He was standing there, arms crossed and looking proud, when she came out.

"He'll be gone for a while.  Fez's isn't going to stop until he finds some candy-coated goodness."  He laughed and reached for her hand, pulling her towards him.  "C'mon.  I want some candy-coated goodness for myself too."

And so they were back on the couch where it all started, for however long, she couldn't recall.  Just not long enough.  Then at half-past noon they heard Kelso's van pulling into the Forman's driveway and everything turned into pumpkins and mice.

He sat up and got off her, letting her free.  She swallowed hard and then nodded her head for no reason, trying to compose herself.  

"I guess that's it then," she said, not daring to look at him.

"Yeah.  We probably should go outside and see them or something."

"Whatever," she said, feeling inexplicably angry.  Her shoulder tensed up.

"Hey," he said, taking her hand and lacing their fingers together. "For what it's worth, Jackie. It's been fun, this summer."  He coughed.  "With you."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

She stared at him.  He hadn't put his sunglasses on yet.  She tried to look into his eyes, find out what he was thinking.

"Hey, where's Jackie?" she heard Michael shout.  Her chest tightened and she ripped her hand from Steven's.  "And where's Hyde?" 

She stood up and took a deep breath.  _So okay ,_she told herself, _time to face Michael_.  _Time to say goodbye to Steven._  Jackie turned once more to look at him.  He had his hand out, not to hold her hand, but gesturing to the door, telling her to go first.

_So it was already over for him_, she thought.  _All right.  Fine then.  _She quickly straightened her dress and then her shoulders.  Her head held high, she strode towards the door and went outside, not bothering to look behind at what—and who—she was leaving.


	2. Ready or Not

Unrequited 

by Jaded (opheliadrowning@hotmail.com)

Disclaimer:  That '70s Show and its characters are not mine and are merely being used as pawns in my dirty, dirty, fan fiction game in a most definitely non-profit kind of way.

Summary: The morning after they end their summer fling, Jackie's not feeling so sure about the decision.

A/N:  Generally I like to write longer, more "complete" chapters, but I'm in the middle of moving and I wanted to try to post more often before things got too muddled up and I disappear for days at a time.

**Chapter Two: Ready or Not**

It was 10 o'clock and Jackie was still in bed.  A restless night sleep had left Fluffycakes, her stuffed unicorn, sprawled on the floor, his legs akimbo.  She left him there, not wanting to get out of bed.  She tugged at her comforter, pulling it up to her chin, wriggling further into her nest of pink and white sheets, blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals.

She had already been awake for two hours.  Two hours spent staring at the ceiling and ignoring the sun.  A dim, filmy light began creeping into her window, casting a long beam of sun onto her bedroom floor, taunting her, telling her it was time to get up.  She turned away from the window and shut her eyes.  _Not yet,_ she thought stubbornly.  _I'm not ready yet._

It had been automatic, waking up at eight o'clock.  The past few weeks she had gotten up every morning after a restful night sleep sufficient enough to qualify as beauty sleep—and it had worked, all she had to do was look into a mirror—showered, dressed, groomed, and brushed her hair, making herself presentable for the day.  She had almost succumbed to her routine again today, but to do that was to fall into old patterns, to be moved by the urge to be somewhere, and with someone.

And that fact was more than enough reason to stay in bed.  Today was not yesterday.  It was not the day before.  She couldn't go to see him—not like that anyway—and she didn't even know if he wanted to see her.  He was so hard to read sometimes, hiding behind his Zen, his glasses.

But Jackie could not help but wonder where he was, what he was doing, and whether or not he was thinking about her.

She tried to imagine him.  Was he lying in bed waiting for her to come over?  Was he sitting in the basement watching the T.V., turning to the door every few minutes to see if she was going to burst through at any minute?

An image of him from yesterday wrapped only in a white towel came to her mind unbidden.  She imagined that she could still smell him, fresh like soap and water, and that she could feel his body strong and solid against her own.  And she imagined that she could still taste him, his mouth, his skin, delicious and warm against her lips.  She ached all over, remembering how he had gripped her, how his hands had felt stroking her skin, exploring the curve of her hips and the flat of her belly.  They had been so close.

_Oh, this is ridiculous, _she thought.  _If I keep thinking about this I'm going to go completely insane.  _But she found herself unable to stop.  Maybe she was allowed.  They had ended it only yesterday, and she hadn't had the chance to mourn the lost of it yet.  She was allowed to miss it, wasn't she?  Just because it hadn't been _serious_ didn't mean it hadn't become something important, right?

Quickly she grabbed one of her pillows and screamed into it, thrashing around in bed.  When she finished screaming she found that her eyes were wet with tears of frustration.  Jackie lifted her hand to her face to wipe away her tears, but instead brought her hand to her mouth.  She sighed, her chest heavy with too many emotions to name, and traced her lips with her fingers, lost again in thought.

"Steven," she whispered quietly, her eyes closed, not really sure herself if she had said it out loud or just thought it.

He had seemed happy enough yesterday when Michael, Donna, and Eric had come back from California.  To watch him, Jackie wouldn't have believed that only a few minutes before they had been making-out on the couch in the Forman's basement.  He looked so unfazed, so calm, cool and collected.  It was infuriating.

_So okay, _she reasoned, _it had been a fling.  They had said "no strings attached," just some summer fun to pass the time_, but the way he acted made it seem to her that it had been no big deal, that he could have done the same with any girl.  _Dammit,_ she thought, _I'm not just "any" girl!_

 Jackie rolled around in bed for a few minutes longer, trying to breath evenly, to get herself to relax.  She glanced at her clock.  It was half-past ten already.  Maybe it was time to get up, but she didn't know what she was going to do.  

She very well couldn't go back to the basement.  Avoiding it had been her entire reason for not getting out of bed this morning.  Jackie wondered what Donna was up to now that she was back. She had missed her best friend, but Donna was probably with Eric.  When they had gotten back the day before, it appeared that they had also "gotten back" with one another.  They had been holding hands, kissing.  Jackie had to force herself to not look at them and to not look at Steven.

She considered calling up Michael, but she was still mad at him and not ready to confront the mess there.  She still had to work out how she felt, and there were too many raw feelings floating around to come up with any sort of conclusion.

Then she thought about her other friends—the cheerleading squad for instance.  She had hung out with them a few times after school had ended, but then the whole thing with Steven had started and they had quickly faded away into the background.  Except she didn't know where she would find them.  The mall maybe?  Or they could be at the Hub.  Everyone hung out at the Hub.  Losers, nerds, popular people, Fez.  She was bound to run into _someone._  Anyway, it was time that she reasserted her place as most popular and pretty girl at Point Place High.  An early start wouldn't hurt. 

Jackie threw off the covers, resolved to get going at last.  She felt purposeful.  She headed to the bathroom, plugged in her curling iron, and readied herself for a full day ahead. 

**[end chapter two]**


	3. Of Cabbages, Kings, and Impossible Thing...

**Unrequited**  
  
by Jaded (opheliadrowning@hotmail.com)  
  
Rated: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: That '70s Show does not belong to me, and what I do here is for non-profit pleasure. Summary: A day after making their decision to mutually end the fling, Jackie and Hyde run into one another.  
  
"The time has come," the Walrus said,  
"To talk of many things:  
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--  
Of cabbages--and kings--  
And why the sea is boiling hot--  
And whether pigs have wings."  
---"The Walrus and the Carpenter" by Lewis Carroll  
  
"There's no use trying," she said: "one can't believe impossible things."  
-"Through the Looking-Glass" by Lewis Carroll  
**  
Chapter Three: Of Cabbages, Kings, and Impossible Things**  
  
Hyde was fidgeting. The Price Is Right blared on the television screen and he could see Bob Barker through the little V-shaped window his feet made while propped up on the table. He saw an old lady run up from contestant's row. Hyde fidgeted again. Her old-lady boobs bobbed up and down, and he saw her give Bob a sloppy kiss on the cheek. It made him remember why he had stopped watching the show in the first place this summer, and those thoughts led him to think about what he had done instead as an alternative. And about who he had spent most of the summer with, passing the long hours together. He turned around, checked the back door to the basement once again, and seeing nobody entering, turned back to the television, his shoulders sagging with disappointment. He grumbled to himself.  
It was stupid. He didn't know why he kept looking, kept waiting. He was pissing himself off. He didn't even know why he was thinking about her. It was Jackie Freakin' Burkhart, for crying out loud. She had no right or reason to be in his thoughts, making him all stupid.  
Hyde ran a hand through his hair and made himself get off the couch. He walked around the table and headed for the freezer to get a popsicle. He unwrapped it quickly and took a bite from the top that made his teeth hurt, but it did little to change the direction of his thoughts. It only reminded him of her sitting on the couch after Eric and Fez had come down to interrupt their alone time, a popsicle in her mouth, her lips turning red. It made him think of that time they had cornered each other alone out by the el Camino, her mouth hot and cold at the same time and tasting like cherry. He had kissed her senseless until all the flavor was gone and there was nothing left but the taste of his mouth in hers, and hers in his. Afterwards she had collapsed with dizziness into his arms, her eyes bright and dazed and beautiful. She had wrapped her arms around his chest, sighed happily and called him Steven, and had pressed her soft face against the scruff of his beard. That had been a good time, but that was over now too. Since yesterday to be exact. He had seen the way she had looked at Kelso, and how Kelso had looked at her. Hyde made a face and felt himself hold back a snarl. Jackie and Kelso, he thought bitterly. What a joke. The joke that'll never end.  
He walked over to the trash can and threw the unfinished popsicle away. Then Hyde sat down on his chair and put his face in his hands. He was reaching the boiling point. He needed to get laid, and bad. Spending all summer fooling around with just Jackie had thrown off his normal game plan: Meet a bunch of hot chicks, get some action, and then go home. That was the way to go. But it was hard to conform to that kind of schedule when the girl kept coming to him, there every morning at 10 a.m., ready for some clandestine making-out. Hot, available Jackie. Except that she hadn't come today. Not that he had expected it or anything, but the possibility had been there.  
He definitely needed to get out of the house and out of the basement. Summer was ebbing away. He'd have to start school soon, and what that meant was that there would be fewer chicks out there ready and willing. The school year seemed to have the unfortunate side-effect of making girls want to have relationships, and Steven Hyde was no relationship man. Of all the girls he had know, the thing with Jackie had been the one that probably had lasted the longest.  
He made the decision then to head out. Forman was back and so was Donna, but they were just spending time with one another, probably being moony and lovely-dovey with one another. He definitely didn't want to hang around for that. Kelso was back too, but right now Kelso wasn't topping his list of people he wanted to see. Fez? Hyde didn't know where Fez was. Probably off buying candy or looking for whores. Or maybe getting a drivers license. He had been chattering something about the DMV a few days ago, but Hyde had been too distracted by the slit in Jackie's skirt that shown just the barest hint of thigh to actually listen.  
That's it, he thought, shaking himself out of his own reverie. Hyde ran to his room and grabbed the keys to the el Camino and headed outside. He was going to head to the Hub. There'd be tons of chicks there. Hot chicks. Maybe some blondes. He was in the mood for blondes today. Today was not going to be a loss.  
He got in his car and sat for a moment. He was getting way too worked up about this. He let out a long breath. "Zen," he repeated to himself a few times. "Remember Zen." Hyde adjusted his mirrors, checked his lights. He found himself waiting for another ten minutes though, but grew sick of it and started the car and drove off, a little distracted and a little perturbed.  
  
***  
  
Jackie swept into the Hub, made sure her face was set in there perfect indifferent, haughty smile that she used so many times during the school year, and searched around for someone she knew. She craned her neck, hoping that she didn't look too desperate, and finally spotted Shelley, one of her Varsity Cheerleading teammates, over by the pinball machine. Shelley was by some random guy that Jackie had seen around school but had never bothered to talk to. She ignored him and gave a little wave and began to walk over, making sure to go slowly so everyone in the room could see and admire her. There seemed to be a few more eyes on her than usual, and it made her feel uncomfortable.  
"Jackie!" Shelley turned around and gave Jackie a thin smile. Shelley then opened up her arms to hug her cheerleading captain, giving Jackie a gentle pat on the back that served as the closest substitute to regard or affection. Shelley flipped a feathery batch of blonde hair over shoulder and gave another smile. "It's been ages! I've hardly seen you this summer."  
"I've been keeping busy."  
Shelley seemed skeptical. "I thought that you'd make more time for your friends this summer, what with you and Michael Kelso breaking-up, but I guess I thought wrong."  
"Well that wouldn't be the first time," Jackie muttered underneath her breath.  
Shelley continued. "Maybe we're just not good enough for you anymore, Jackie. Is that it?"  
Jackie thought that this little speech was more than a little rich for a mere underclassman, but she held her tongue.  
"Or maybe you've already found someone new." Shelley's eyes lit up. "Jackie, have you found someone new already? Did you already get a new boyfriend? You have to tell me! I've heard that some of the football players were thinking about asking you out this summer.but that they couldn't ever find you to ask. Did something happen?"  
Jackie felt her chest tighten a little, and she swore her heart fluttered.  
"No," she managed, her head suddenly swimming with a million thoughts and emotions. "Nothing like that."  
"Oh," Shelley said, disappointment written across her face. "You wouldn't mind then if one of them maybe asked me out?"  
"Hey!" The random boy ripped his attention away from the pinball game long enough to look indignant. Shelley shushed him as though he were a Pekinese, and he went back to his game.  
Jackie sighed. No wonder she had stopped hanging out with her "school" friends except for at school. They were all so flaky, so shallow. None of them were as nice and caring as Donna, as funny as Fez, or as smart and deep as Steven.  
Jackie felt a blush rise to her cheeks and checked it quickly before looking at Shelley. She wondered how noticeable it had been. Seeing the expression on Shelley's face though, Jackie realized she was in the clear. Shelley was still waiting for a response about dating football players.  
"You go ahead, Shell," she said. "If you want even, if one of them asks me out, I'll send them your direction."  
"Really?" Shelley said, her face brightening. Hopeless, Jackie thought.  
"Yes, I really will."  
Shelley, apparently happy with where the conversation had gone, continued. "Some of the girls from the squad are coming here soon. We were thinking about going to the salon and making fun of all the ugly people who think that some make-up and nail care will make them pretty like us. Do you wanna come?"  
Jackie really didn't, but she knew that she didn't have very many options. Donna was with Eric, she didn't want to see Michael, not just yet, and Steven didn't want to see her. It was Shelley and the rest of the cheerleaders or it was no one, and today Jackie didn't feel like being alone. She had had enough of that feeling lately.  
Jackie was about to say "yes" when she heard someone enter the Hub. She turned around, sure it was some of the other girls Shelley had been talking about. She held off her answer for a moment. She wanted to see who else was coming before she committed herself. Mocking could be fun- hell, she enjoyed burning Eric whenever she had the chance-but calling someone "ugly" and "stupid" for an hour got old. If some of the more "clever" girls showed up, she'd say yes, but if they didn't, well, Jackie supposed, maybe she'd just go shopping by herself.  
But there were no cheerleaders, no decision about going to the beauty salon or not.  
He entered by himself, looking around, a bored, displeased look on his face. He pulled his sunglasses off for a moment and rubbed the bridge of his nose, his blue eyes blinking to adjust to the light inside.  
Her heart was racing, and for once she didn't tell it to stop. Jackie couldn't help but stare. Her thoughts drifted back to the day before once more, to the look on his face when she had pinned him against the wall, the feel of his chest underneath her hands, the skin still wet from his shower. A rush of desire swept through her, and Jackie felt her knees go weak. She wobbled and reached out and touched the wall to steady herself.  
Then he saw her, his glasses still in hand. His expression changed from disenchanted to disbelieving. His jaw slackened slightly, his mouth open just the slightest, and his brow was furrowed. She wanted to be able to read his eyes, but he was too far away. But she knew that he was looking at her and her alone.  
Jackie wanted to go to him. She felt her body telling her to get a move on, but she was frozen in place. A million thoughts fluttered through her mind. Hadn't they really ended the fling less than twenty-four hours ago? What about Michael? Did he want her even coming near him? Was it fate that they had both come here at the same time. Her mouth went dry. She felt faint.  
She saw him move. He took a step forward, then stalled again. A group of kids walked in front of him and she couldn't see him anymore. Irritated as she was by that, it gave Jackie a chance to compose herself. She took a deep, ragged breath, and closed her eyes for a moment. They couldn't just stand across the room from one another all day long staring. Steeling herself, she gathered up her courage and marched over to him, hearing Shelley squeak in surprise behind her.  
Jackie side-stepped a table and a couple of chairs and was in front of him within seconds. He looked startled when he realized who was in front of him.  
"Steven," she said evenly, then stopped, realizing that she didn't know what to say after that.  
Apparently he didn't either. He licked his lips, tried to mouth some words, but nothing came out.  
Well this was awkward, Jackie thought. Maybe that was why they had worked best making-out all summer long, not talking. Maybe there really hadn't been all that much to say. After all, they had spent most of their acquaintance being mean to one another, hating each other's existence, or so it had seemed.  
Then she felt his fingers brush up against her hand and none of that seemed to matter. It was the barest of touches, feather-light. She felt like liquid, her body filling with a warm rush of heat. How did he do that, she wondered faintly. Just a touch, a look? Why, of all the people in Point Place-in the world-did Steven Hyde, someone who was totally wrong for her, have such an effect? It made no sense, absolutely no sense. If someone had asked her years ago if she would've ever considered Steven Hyde as anything besides a dirty poor person, she would've said that she'd sooner believe that pigs could fly. She didn't know how she felt anymore. This summer had changed so much.  
"Hey," he finally said, his voice low and raspy.  
Jackie felt herself give him a silly grin. She couldn't help herself. She was struck by an urge to grab him and throw him on the nearest flat surface and do all sorts of things that she had wanted to do the day before, but instead blurted out, "Will you go to the mall with me, Steven?"  
"What?"  
What, indeed. Jackie felt lost. What was she doing? Three minutes go she was missing him. Two minutes ago she had written off those feelings as confusion. This summer they had been restless and had found refuge from boredom in each other's arms, but then they had made the decision, as adults, to end it. Just a minute ago she had wanted to finish what they hadn't been able to do the day before. And now she wanted to go with him to the mall with her. Did she want them to be friends? Or had yesterday been a big lie she had told herself, a gigantic mistake? Her heart told her one thing, her head told her another. She didn't know which to trust. All she knew now was that she wouldn't mind spending some time with him. That being with Steven Hyde was better than being alone.  
"The mall. There's a sale I wanted to go to. Do you want to come?"  
He made a strangled noise. "Jackie? Me. You. At the mall. In what universe does this sound like a possibility?"  
Her face fell. "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking. Just, just forget it." She turned to walk away. What had she been thinking? That there was something between them? Talk about impossibilities, she thought. He'd always been like that-lay 'em and leave 'em, or something similar-and he probably would always be like that.  
"No-Jackie-wait!" He sounded exasperated, and she almost didn't turn around. "I'm sor-I'll go to the stupid mall with you if you want some company." He sighed. "It's not like I have anything else to do."  
She turned and gave him a look.  
"I mean to say, dammit, Jackie. Look. I've gone to the mall with you before, okay? I'll do it again. I'll live."  
She was too surprised that he remembered that time that any bad feelings she had faded away. He'd made her feel better. She had bought him boots.  
"Okay then," she said. "You drive?"  
He cocked his head and chuckled. "Yeah, yeah. I'll drive. Now hurry up."  
  
***  
Hyde gripped the wheel with both hands, his knuckles turning white. He steered the car into the parking lot of the mall, trying not to look to the girl on his right, asking himself over and over again what the hell he was doing.  
He had gone to the Hub to find a girl to distract him only to find, and then leave, with the person he had been trying to forget. Now he was going to the mall with her. To the mall! There was only one explanation for this: The government had put some sort of chemical in Jackie's lip gloss that had seeped into his skin and was making him behave irrationally. That had to be it.  
They entered a department store first. Hyde secretly hoped that she was going to go lingerie shopping, maybe model a couple of items for him and ask his opinion, but she went straight to a rack of summer dresses instead. He leaned against a wall and watched her silently. He never understood how girls got so excited about shopping. They picked a million things to try on. He preferred it when girls took things off. He smirked.  
Jackie then turned and looked at him, saw him smile. She smiled back. Hyde cleared his throat and nodded at her slightly. She returned to perusing the dresses. He pulled at the collar of his Led Zeppelin T-shirt. These stores always got so stuffy, he thought.  
"I'm going to go try these on now, Steven," she called, waving a hand at him, her other arm loaded up with clothes. She headed towards the dressing room, and he found himself gravitating towards the same area. Jackie walked in, but he waited just outside. He saw her disappear around the corner.  
Hyde tried to gauge how wise it was for him to be spending time with Jackie. Spending time alone together, to be precise. True, he thought Jackie with Kelso was a gigantic joke, but what would they be? Jackie Burkhart and Steven Hyde? Surreal. That's what it was. Anyway, if Kelso found out . . . But what did he care if Kelso found out? Kelso and Jackie had broken up, or were as good as broken up. What did it matter anyway? Hyde shook his head, disgusted at himself again. Why should he care?  
A door clicked behind him and Hyde turned around. Jackie emerged from the dressing room wearing a cornflower blue sun dress. She spun around in it, examining herself in the mirror. Hyde felt his breath catch in his throat.  
"Wow, you look gorgeous." And she did.  
She smiled prettily at him and gave him an odd look. "Thank you, Steven."  
She headed back to the dressing room, and when he thought she was out of earshot, Hyde groaned. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea, going to the mall with Jackie.  
"Steven?"  
Slowly, Hyde walked into the dressing area.  
"Jackie?"  
"My zipper's stuck."  
Dammit, he thought.  
"I need some help," she said. "Could you give me a hand?"  
"Uh. Okay." Wisdom went flying out of the window. Hyde headed towards the door where her voice was coming from. He could see her bare feet peeking from underneath the white, wooden door. There were pools of clothes gathered on the off-white carpeting from where she had stepped out of discarded outfits. This is going to be hell, he thought.  
Jackie opened the door slightly and he waited for her to emerge, but she never did.  
"You don't expect me to strip naked out there, do you?" she cried indignantly.  
Stripped naked. Oh God.  
Hyde stepped inside warily. Any other girl, he thought feverishly, this would be a fantasy if it were any other girl, but it was Jackie. They weren't supposed to be doing stuff like this anymore. Not after yesterday.  
  
His self control lasted about fifteen seconds. Hers, maybe twenty. Her back was to him, and he could see that the straps to her dress had fallen off her shoulders leaving little to the imagination. The zipper was halfway down her back, the open top revealing more bare skin. The moment she looked over her shoulder to see him the battle was already over.  
They both rushed for each other at the same time. She curled her arms around his neck and he wrapped his around her waist, his wrists brushing against the soft fabric of the dress. He lifted her off his feet and found her lips immediately. They were just as he had remembered them.  
He staggered backwards in the small dressing room and the back of his legs knocked against a small padded stool.  
"Jackie," he mumbled, kissing her deeper and harder this time. She responded by running her tongue across his teeth.  
Hyde fell back into his seat, shifting so he could sit there comfortably. Jackie broke away for a second, stood up, and giving him a sultry smile, proceeded to make herself more comfortable. She lifted one leg and placed it over his left leg. Then she lifted the other one and placed it over his right. She took his face in her hand and flicked her tongue over his lips before kissing him again.  
It surprised him, but then Hyde realized that Jackie had been surprising him all summer. It was one of those things about her that he really liked.  
The way she was straddling him now made it easy for him to do what he did next. Slowly, he let his hands slide up her legs and underneath her skirt. If she told him to stop, she'd stop, but if she didn't . . . her thighs were firm and muscular, but they were also strangely soft. They felt good beneath his hands. Jackie arched slightly, throwing her head back and letting out a slight gasp.  
"Steven," she said, her voice gentler than he had expected. She gave him another look, a strange, melancholy smile. It threw him off for a moment. He had never seen her look that way before, at least not when she was looking at him.  
There was a sudden bang on the door. They both froze.  
"Miss," came a voice, "is everything okay in there?"  
Okay? Hyde thought, okay? No, everything was not okay, not now at least.  
"Yes!" Jackie managed, her voice more shrill than was normal.  
"Is there anything I can get you?"  
Jackie looked at him. "Nope, I'm good," she said, her eyes wide and horrified.  
"You know what, how about I get you these brand new jeans we just got in? They're all the rage. Here, they're just in the display behind the register. I'll be back in a jiff!"  
Before Jackie could respond the salesgirl was gone. They looked at each other, then broke apart, Jackie scrambling to her feet, Hyde getting up from his seat as fast as possible. He stumbled on the clothes on the floor but managed to stay standing.  
"Go, go!" she hissed at him, waving him away with her hands.  
Hyde didn't need to hear anymore. He shot out of the dressing room, and looking wildly around to see if anyone else was lurking about, tried to calmly as possible get himself somewhere inconspicuous.  
The salesgirl returned a minute later, raised an eyebrow at him and his sudden appearance, then went into the dressing area with an armload of denim jeans without giving him another thought. Hyde slumped against the wall. This had definitely been a bad idea.  
Jackie emerged five minutes later, her hair mussed up and looking pissed. Her expression softened when she saw him though.  
"I decided I wasn't going to buy anything," she said with a shrug of her shoulders "The help is way too pushy."  
Hyde got back up to his feet and smirked at her. "No argument from me. Anyway, so can we go now?"  
Jackie bit her lip.  
"What? Are you serious? After that you still want to go shopping?" He was in pain now. She had to know that. He raised an eyebrow and gave her a significant look, but Jackie didn't seem to get his meaning.  
"Just a little longer?" she said, her mouth pouty. "Please?"  
He made a sound of exasperation, and she took his lack of "no" as encouragement. Jackie grabbed his hand and pulled him out toward the aisle. She dragged him out of the store and into the heart of the mall. "I just wanted to check out these shoes . . ."  
Half-way to Morgan's House of Shoes, Hyde heard a familiar voice ring through the noise of the crowd.  
"Hyde! Jackie!" The hair on his forearms raised. It was Kelso.  
He watched Jackie spin around, then like a hot potato, she felt him drop his hand that she had just a second ago, been holding on to so tightly.  
He frowned, suddenly angry.  
"Hey guys!" Fez was with Kelso too. "What are you two doing at the mall?"  
"Yeah, Hyde," Kelso said, grinning stupidly, "what are you doing at the mall?"  
"What are you doing at the mall?" Hyde shot back.  
"Hey, I asked first!"  
"So what. I asked second, and second is the best."  
"He does have a point, Kelso," Fez said.  
"Oh, okay, fine. I wanted to check out some of the new records and Fez here wanted to get some new pants."  
"Yes," Fez said angrily, "but as you see, I have no pants."  
"What's wrong with you?" Jackie asked.  
"Let's just say that there was me, this bastard named Fenton, and a pair of pants that made my ass look like a dream."  
"Fez--"  
"Yeah, okay," Hyde said. He tried for a moment to catch Jackie's eye, but she was looking at Kelso instead. Hyde pursed his lips together into a thin smile. "Well I'm going to go now."  
Jackie's head shot up. "What?"  
  
"Kelso, Fez, you guys going to be hanging around here for a while yet?"  
"Yeah. I still gotta go to the record store."  
"Okay then. You can take Jackie home with you."  
Hyde turned around and started to go.  
"Steven!" Jackie's voice rang in his head, but he chose to ignore it. He threw up a hand into the air in farewell.  
"Steven!" she cried again, her tone more pleading this time, but Hyde just kept on walking.  
  
[end chapter three]


	4. Safe At First

Unrequited 

by Jaded (opheliadrowning@hotmail.com)

Summary:  Emotions running high and confusion reigning supreme, Jackie makes a decision about the status of her relationships.

Disclaimer:  There once was a show on TV, 

                     Whose characters did not belong to me,

                     I used them for the funny,

                     But from them got no money,

                     So to sue me would be tragedy.

A/N: This chapter takes place around the same time "What Is And Never Should Be/Heartbreaker" would have taken place in the real season 5. 

Chapter Four: Safe At First 

She hadn't wanted to stay at the mall, not without him.  She had been upset at first, but now she was just severely pissed off.  The thing was, she just wasn't sure if it was more at him or at herself, because standing in the aisle at Turntable Records, listing to The Blue Oyster Cult blaring on the overhead speakers, Jackie realized that she missed Steven Hyde.

_Steven Hyde. _

What the hell?  

She wasn't supposed to miss him.  Not like this, not with her heart aching and her throat dry.  She'd allow herself to miss his kisses, the way he touched her, held her by the hip with his hands, but she wasn't supposed to miss just being near him or miss the way he looked at her that made her spine tingle and her pulse race.  Those were dangerous feelings.  Desire, lust—those were safer—they didn't border dangerously on actual feelings, crushes, or—she didn't dare think it—on love. 

Fez walked by, his eyes trained on a Charlie's Angels poster on the wall on the other end of the store.  She watched him walk by totally oblivious to what she was thinking or feeling.  Her eyes followed him down the aisle and came to rest on someone rifling through a stack of records.

Michael.

Jackie hadn't wanted Steven go to, especially not abandoning her at the mall and angry at her enough to storm off, but she also hadn't wanted to see Michael, no less spend time with him.  She wasn't ready, but here she was and there he was.

Michael who had broken her heart, ran away to California, and made her promises that he had never meant to keep.  She wasn't ready for that conversation yet, but there he was and it seemed that at some point it would become unavoidable.  That, or they wouldn't talk about it and that would piss her off too.

But maybe this was a sign, a way of letting her know that past, present, or future, the man that was supposed to be in her life was Michael Kelso.  

The course of their relationship had had so many ups and downs, but who was it—maybe Jacqueline Smith—who said, "the course of true love never did run smooth."  And it had never been smooth, not with her and Michael.  Oh sure, for a while in the early days it had been all hearts and flowers, but then he had started cheating and cheating and cheating.  She had turned a blind eye to it at first, and even when she had gotten angry at him and left him, she had learned to forgive him.  Jackie had to admit, she had been happy with Michael, at least for part of the time.  

With Steven?  Well she didn't really know what they were, especially now.  They were hot together, she had to give it that.  And not just hot—explosive.  Jackie smiled to herself.  They couldn't keep their hands off one another, and even when they couldn't be touching or kissing—like when Eric or Fez were around—she could feel his eyes on her, and it taught her what it really felt like to be truly desired and to be desirable.  And with Steven this last summer, Jackie knew that it had been her and her alone that had been on his brain messing him up and making them both so reckless and crazy.

There were no other girls.  

Jackie knew his history with women.  It was no secret that of the members of the gang, he was the one with the most . . . experience.  Most of them were nameless, faceless girls.  For all his scruffiness, there was something inherently sexy about him.  Maybe it was because he was so Zen, so aloof—or maybe that he had a touch of danger to him—but he had never been one to lack partners, just relationships.

But there had been no one else for him that summer but her, as there had been no one else for her but him.  She knew this because whenever they had found a chance to be alone they had taken it and run.  A few times he had even gone searching for her.  The first time she had been conducing summer cheerleading practice on the school field.  Half-way through the practice—the practice that she had scheduled—Jackie had spotted the el Camino in the distance and had seen him leaning against the car door and looking in her direction.   

Practice, for her at least, had ended early.  They had driven up to the Point and had whiled the hours away exploring each other's mouths and bodies.  She had loved how his hands were always so gentle with her even though the passion of his kisses often left her mouth feeling bruised and swollen, although she loved that too.  

They had stayed there until dusk.  When she had woken up she had found herself with her head against his chest and with his arm wrapped around her protectively.  

When he finally dropped her off at home later that night, he had given her their first sweet kiss.  It was unlike any other before it, tender, lingering.  He had leaned over, turned her head ever-so-slightly with a touch on her cheek, and had kissed her softly on the mouth. It had left her feeling fluttery and weak in the knees.   

For a moment back then she had thought about love, about the fact that maybe this was more than just a fling, but it had only been a few weeks and in that time she had come to know him enough to know not to say anything.  To tell him how she was feeling would probably scare him away, and she had been having too much fun to ruin it with _emotions.  _Just a fling, she had told herself.  That's how they had defined it, and those were the rules they had to follow.

Jackie blinked and touched her hand to hear heart.  For a moment she had forgotten where she had been.  She looked around her.  Michael was still going through records, looking up occasionally at girls who passed by, and Fez was chatting up a sales girl who seemed to want to get as far away from him as possible.

Jackie took a deep breath.  _I have to stop thinking about him_, she thought.  _I just have to, as hard as it may be.  _

"Hey, Jackie!" 

She looked up and saw Michael coming towards her.  

"What?" she said irritably.

"Could I borrow a coupla bucks?"

"What?"

He held up a _Frampton Comes Alive! _record sleeve.

"Don't you have that one already?" she said, folding her arms together and feeling irritated.  

"But you don't have one!"

She didn't understand.  What was he getting at?  For all of Steven's Zen, all his ambiguity, at least he made sense when it came to everyday conversation.

"I want to get this for you, Jackie!  I know how you feel about Frampton, and well," he looked abashed, "I wanted to get you a present so that--" he paused again and rubbed his head, "so that maybe you'd start to forgive me for ditching you and going to California.  But I don't have enough money to buy it."

Jackie softened.  He was still Michael, sweet but dumb Michael.  

"I was gonna buy myself a Kiss album but when I saw you and Hyde I remembered that you were probably really mad at me still and that I should do something nice for you, like buy you a present.  You still like presents, don't you, Jackie?" 

She sighed.  "Yes, Michael, I still like presents, but I don't want this from you, especially if I have to pay for it."

"Oh."  He frowned, confused.

"But," she continued, putting a reassuring arm on his, "it is sweet of you, I guess."  Jackie looked around the record store again and saw Fez coming towards them.  He looked dejected.  "So do you think we can go home now?  I'm kind of sick of being here."

"Sure!"

Fez came up besides them.  "Stupid sales whores," he mumbled.

"Aw, it's okay little buddy," Kelso said.  "You still got me at least."

Fez looked up at him.  "You are pretty, Kelso, but you don't give me action in the pants.  Stupid sales whores!"  

Jackie rolled her eyes, and then they were off.

***

Michael dropped Fez off first at his host parent's house.  It was getting dark already and any later and the Erdmans probably would've forced Fez to take part in an exorcism.  When he finally got to her house it was full-blown evening, the moon hanging in the sky like a glowing crystal ball.  It was so bright that Jackie couldn't even see the stars.

When Michael pulled his van into the driveway, Jackie made to get out, and then heard him turn off the engine.  Her hand on the door handle, she turned to him and asked, "Michael?"

"Could I talk to you Jackie?"

She hesitated.  "Michael, I don't think I'm ready to hear . . ."

"Please?"  He made a sad, puppy dog face, and she relented.

"Fine then."  She released the door and folded her hands in her lap, acting much calmer and looking much more composed than she really felt.  "What did you want to talk about, Michael?  What is it that you possibly have to say to me?"

Jackie hoped he was going to tell her something about super balls or about the Packers.  Not about all the California sluts he made-out with during the summer or about _them_ and whatever was left of their relationship_._  He had only been back one day.  He couldn't think that she was ready for it, or did he?

The old Jackie would've wanted it this way, she thought.  The old Jackie would have wanted him begging for her forgiveness on both knees as soon as he got his stupid ass back from the West Coast.  The old Jackie would've wanted him to suffer for leaving her like that, but she would have also taken him back if he felt bad enough.  Which Jackie was she now?

This summer had changed her.  She had experienced it without him around—a first since she had known him—and she had gotten to know herself more as well as… other people.  One person at least.  Because of that, because of Steven, after a while Michael had stopped dominating her thoughts.  He was no longer the first thing on her mind when she woke up, or the last thing she thought about when she went to sleep.  For a long time, she hadn't even thought of him at all.  

Which Jackie was she now?  Sitting there in the van, she didn't honestly know.

"Jackie, I know you're probably really, really mad at me for running away after I said that I would marry you."

Marry her.  That had seemed so long ago.  She looked at him, and then suddenly hit him.  Everything built up had to come out at some point.  Why not now? she figured.

"Ouch!  Damn, Jackie, that hurt!"

"Well you deserve it, you doofus!  Of course I'm still mad at you!  You made me a promise and then what did you do?  You ran way!"

  
Ran away.  She couldn't help but think who else had run away from her recently.

"It was the only thing I could think to do!" he cried, rubbing his arm.  
  


"What is that supposed to mean?"

"What was I supposed to do, Jackie?  You told me that I either had to marry you or you would leave me."  He looked down at his lap.  "And while I didn't want to marry you—not just yet at least," he added when he looked at her and saw her face, "I didn't want to lose you either.  I love you Jackie Burkhart.  You know that.  I'm just not ready to get married yet.  Marriage like, ages you fifteen years or something.  I still gotta take advantage of this face and this body while I'm still young.  I don't want to screw it up just yet."

"Screw up?  Is that how you see it?  That being together will screw you up?"  She was beginning to yell.

"No!" he squeaked.  "Marriage will screw us up.  I mean, we can be together and do it all the time and everything and still be hot, but without the marriage part."

Jackie sighed warily and turned away from him.

But for all his idiocy and cluelessness, years together seemed to have taught him something.  Michael reached for her and placed his hand over hers.  She looked at him, tears starting to form in her eyes.

"Jackie, you gotta give me another chance."  He squeezed her hand.  She could smell his cologne.   "I swear I can be a better boyfriend.  C'mon, Jackie.  Please? It's use.  Jackie and Kelso.  We're like Batman and Robin or Scooby and Shaggy.  There's no one without the other."  He pressed on.  "I need you," he said, and it sounded as though he truly meant it.

Jackie looked him in the eyes, searching for something there.  Maybe that was what it all came down to.  He needed her, he wanted her, and when it came right down to it, he would fight to get her back.  Steven had simply given up.  When they had talked about what to do when Michael and Donna came back from California, he had immediately agreed to ending their fling.  He hadn't even looked bothered at the idea that they would have to act like nothing had ever happened.  He hadn't argued, not in the slightest.  He would probably never fight for her like Michael did, and she knew she deserved better than that.

She also knew that she deserved better than Michael who hurt her right and left and up and down, but then Jackie also knew what to expect from him too.  He was her first love and by now she knew how to handle him, knew where to make herself strong and where she could stay vulnerable.  Maybe fate was telling her something.  He kept coming back to her, and she kept taking him back.  Maybe this was the final down and there would be only ups from now on.

"If," she started, drawing a deep breath and speaking slowly, "if I take you back, there are going to be a lot of conditions."

He nodded furiously.  "I'll do anything, Jackie."

"You won't cheat on me with other girls?  You won't destroy my stuff?  You won't embarrass me in public?"

"I promise."

"You've said that before."

"But I mean it now.  Jackie, I'm a changed man.  There's something about the West.  The open spaces, the beaches--"

"Yeah, that's enough, Michael!"

He grinned, looking glad to be bossed around again.  "So you'll take me back?"

"I guess so."  Jackie frowned.  "But you're on probation.  There will be no making out, no sex, no me buying you stuff."

"Damn, Jackie!  That's all the good stuff!"  His feathery hair flopped around on his head.  
  


"You said that you loved me.  Isn't that enough?"

"You're right.  It is.  It's just that the perks are really cool."

Jackie couldn't help but laugh at this, and she suddenly felt as though nothing had changed, yet the feeling only lasted a moment.  She grabbed the door handle, but paused before opening it. "Probation, Michael.  Remember that.  I'm taking you back, but not fully.  Not yet.  You have to prove to me that you've changed and that you're not going to hurt me anymore."

"I promise I'll be good, Jackie."  His voice got softer.  "I love you, and I would walk through fire for you."  And she didn't doubt that he would, but then she also didn't know that if he walked through fire for her if he would just walk past her and into the arms of another woman.  

"We'll see then."

He leaned in and tried to kiss her, but Jackie saw him coming and turned her head.  He kissed her on the cheek instead, looking disappointed but not complaining.  Jackie opened the door and stepped out, walking slowly to her front door.  She only gave a quick look back.  She saw him wave, start the car, and then heard him drive away, the wheels of the van flinging up small bits of gravel.

The house was empty she could tell.  There were no lights on.  Her mother was—well she had no idea where—and her dad had been gone a lot of nights lately working.  The help never stayed either, so again it was just her in her big house.  But it was okay.  She didn't want anyone around tonight.

Jackie pulled out her key from her purse and opened the door.  It was good that she had taken Michael back, she thought, especially on her terms, but then why did she feel like she did?  She waved her arms in the air, fanning herself with her hand.  She wasn't going to cry.  She swore to herself that she wasn't going to cry.  She was just being stupid.

Closing the front door to her house, she leaned her head against the cool wood surface.  She had made the right decision, she told herself again.  _You're not a little girl anymore.  Dreams are just that-- dreams. _ 

But when she heard the lock click the full force of the day hit her.  Jackie slumped to her knees, clutching her head in her hands.  Hot, fat tears rolled down her face, her shoulders shaking, sobs wracking her body.  She couldn't fight it anymore, and she didn't try to hold back.  She let her tears flow, and her anguished cries echoed through the empty corridors of the house, lingering like ghosts, haunting her long into the night.   

**[end chapter four]**


	5. Have Car, Will Travel

Unrequited 

by Jaded (opheliadrowning@hotmail.com)

Disclaimer: Not mine.  Please don't sue.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: The gang is heading up to the UW for a college visit, except this time Jackie's coming with the boys while Donna is heading to Marquette by herself.  Takes place when "Over the Hills and Far Away" should be in the real season 5.

Chapter Five: Have Car, Will Travel 

Two months.  Two months and he still couldn't burn the memory out of his mind.  Jackie and Kelso, redux.

He'd been watching "Fantasy Island" with Eric and Donna in the basement as per usual when Kelso had burst into the room grinning like an even bigger moron than usual.  Hyde had gotten a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.  Kelso looked happy—too happy—and Hyde, being Hyde, was suspicious.  There had to be something more than Kelso finding free beer or getting a sighting of boob, and Hyde felt sick because he had an idea what it probably was.

"Guess what, you guys?"  Kelso bounced on his heels.

"You finally got some medicine to clear up that V.D.?" Eric asked.  Donna giggled.

"No, ERIC.  It's even better than that.  Me and Jackie are back together!"

"What?"  Donna got to her feet.  "Kelso!"

"What, Big D!?"

"What?" she said. "WHAT?   Kelso!  You totally abandoned her, broke her heart!  How could you even think about asking her to take you back, especially only after a day!"

"Hey!" Kelso said, his voice surprisingly sharp, "look who's talking.  You totally abandoned Eric and broke his heart, and look, he took you back!"  It was an unusually astute observation on Kelso's part.

"That is a good point," Eric said.  

Donna glared at him.  "Well, that's . . . that's different!  I didn't ask Eric to marry me and then run off to California."

"An even better point."

Throughout the exchange Hyde found himself at a loss for words.  His brain felt overloaded with thoughts to the point where he just stopped thinking about anything at all.  He felt his eyes glaze over, and then catching himself, shook himself out of it.

One day.  She hadn't even been able to last one day.  Hyde felt ill.

Donna was still shouting at Kelso and calling him an undeserving dumbass, and Kelso was still shrieking in his own self-defense.  Eric looked on, obviously amused.

Hyde suddenly got up from his chair, pushing it backwards.  The legs scraping across the floor made a tinny, piercing sound that made the room go quiet.  Donna and Kelso stopped yelling and looked at him.  Hyde opened his mouth to speak, but he had nothing to say.  He realized that he had no where to go.

"I, uh . . ." Eric was frowning at him, confused as to what was going on.  "I gotta . . . I gotta go somewhere.  Catch you guys later."  He found that he couldn't make eye contact with any of his friends.

He left through the back door before anyone could ask him questions.  He quickly found his car and whipped out his keys.  He fumbled with them for a minute before he managed to get a grip on himself.  What was wrong with him, he thought, starting the car with a roar of the engine.

Hyde opened a window to get some fresh air to clear his head.  He drove down the quiet streets of Point Place—it was always quiet on nights like these—not knowing where he wanted to go.  Maybe a bar, he thought, get a drink to chill out and maybe, knock some sense into his head.  Maybe he'd head over the Hub, pick up some random girl like he had planned earlier that day, but instead he found himself in the last place he should have been, parked in front of Jackie's house, staring up at her dark mansion and feeling out of his mind.

He gingerly placed his head on the steering wheel, and then lifting it up slightly, slammed his head back down, hard.  Hyde winced.  He did not get hung up on girls, so why was he parked in front of the Burkhart house like some pervert or love-sick idiot?  It was so incredibly stupid, but something in him wouldn't let him just drive away.

The Burkhart mansion was huge, especially for a little town like Point Place.  Jackie had grown up in exactly the opposite conditions he had.  She had both her parents, was rich, spoiled, and given everything she had ever wanted.  He'd just had Edna, and only sometimes even if you counted the times she was passed-out drunk in the bathroom, head in a toilet.  He had learned to make-do with what little he had had.  Jackie had learned to do whatever it took to get what she wanted.  So why was he here?  Why was he even thinking about her.

Out of the corner of his eye, Hyde caught a flicker of light.  Looked up towards the house he saw a light go on.  Jackie's bedroom.  A smile tried to push through, but Hyde forced it back.  He was, however, unable to stop his thoughts from drifting to the times he had been in that room amongst the pink and purple flowers and unicorns, oblivious to the décor and only tuned into Jackie, her arms, legs, her sweet mouth, her hair.  

Her parents must have been gone still, he thought, realizing that her room light was the only one on.  They hadn't talked a whole lot this summer, not him at least, but she had managed to slip in bits of chatter between kisses.  She had told him that her mother was off on a bunch of vacations, and that her dad had seemed much more distracted than usual, and that he was hardly home anymore.  She had spent a lot of time with him this summer, but he had thought it was because she was enjoying fooling around just as much as he was.  Hyde never really considered until now that maybe, she didn't have anywhere else to go or anyone to be with except for him.

He looked at her window again and thought he saw the curtains open slightly, then drop back.  But maybe his eyes were deceiving him.  After a minute, the lights went out, and Hyde, sighing to himself, confused, angry, unsure of what was going on, started the el Camino and drove off.

***

"Are you sure you don't want to go visit Marquette with me, Jackie?"

Donna stuffed another one of her lumberjack flannel shirts into an overnight bag she was packing for her college visit.  Jackie thought that Donna was packing way more of those ugly shirts than absolutely necessary, but she guessed that with Donna having to wear a Catholic School Girl uniform every day of the week, she was allowed.  

Jackie sat on Donna's bed, running her hand over soft fabric of Donna's colorful comforter.  She looked up at her friend.  "I want to, Donna, but I gotta keep an eye on Michael.  He's going to be surrounded by easy college sluts—like that skank, Laurie—and I have to be there to keep him from cheating."

Donna put down the shirt she had been folding.  She went and sat down next to Jackie.

"Jackie--" She hesitated for a second, then continued.  "Why are you even with Kelso then if you obviously don't trust him."

"Donna, I've never trusted him."

Donna made a strangled noise in her throat.  "Jackie!"

"What!?"

"Why did you take him back then?  I mean, Jackie, despite all the stuffed animals and unicorns,  I think you've grown up a lot since you first stated dated him.  He's hurt you so many times.  Why would you want to put yourself through all of that?"

"For love?"  Jackie said meekly, not really believing her own argument.

Donna put an arm around Jackie's shoulder.  "Why are you putting yourself through this?  You know, Jackie, you don't have to always be with somebody.  You can be alone too, and it can be okay.  This isn't just my 'stupid feminist crap' either."  Donna gave her a dopey smile.

"Yeah, I know." Jackie lay her head on Donna's shoulder.  She was glad she had a friend like Donna.  She had in fact wanted to go to Marquette, but Michael, for whatever promises he made, couldn't be relied on unsupervised for the weekend.  And Steven would be on the trip too . . .

" . . . I mean, it would make more sense for you to be with Fez, or even Hyde, and you two hate each other!"

Jackie's head snapped up.  "What?"

Donna gave her an odd look.  "I said that it would make more sense for you to be with Fez of Hyde instead of Kelso yet again."  A smile of amusement suddenly appeared on Donna's face to replace her look of confusion.  "Jackie, do you remember that insane crush you used to have on Hyde?"  Donna gave a bark of a laugh.  "And you used to write Mrs. Steven Hyde like, a gagillion times in your notebook.  Didn't you wear a hole through one of them?"

Jackie forced a smile.  "Yeah," she said through gritted teeth. "I remember that."

Donna continued to laugh.  "Man, that was so crazy.  I mean, you and Hyde?  What were you thinking, Jackie?"

"What's so funny about that?"  The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself.  Her hands flew up to her face.

Donna made a mock-stern face.  "Oh c'mon, Jackie.  Hyde's a good guy, but you and him?  You're like oil and water.  It would never work."

"Why not?"

Donna opened her mouth and then shut it.  She raised an eyebrow.  "What is this about, Jackie?"

"About? Nothing.  I'm just . . . it's nothing."

"This doesn't sound like nothing."

Jackie threw her hands up in the air.  "No, really, it's nothing.  Well, I mean, sure, we fight a lot and . . ." she was going to say that they didn't like one another, but the summer had definitely proved otherwise.  He'd always been extra sweet with her too, at least when she needed it, like when Michael cheated on her or when he took the blame for her pot.  Maybe she saw a side of him that no one else knew.  "Maybe you're wrong about him and me, Donna.  Did you ever think about that?  Maybe we would make a good couple.  I'm very cute, Donna.  Don't underestimate the power of my cuteness."

"Yeah, sure, Jackie."  Donna got up and went to her dresser to pack up the very few toiletries that she owned.  "That's a lot of maybes."

***

"What do you mean, the loud one is coming?"

"Red--"

"Kitty, we already have to put up with that fruity foreign kid and Kelso, now we got another tag-along?"

Hyde stood in the driveway of the Forman's house, a bag slug over his shoulder, watching them argue.  He adjusted his sunglasses and leaned against the front of the Vista Cruiser.

"Red Forman, do you mean to tell me that you are willing to deny this young woman the opportunity to visit a University and, God Forbid, improve herself?"

"Yes, Kitty.  Yes I am."

"Well too bad.  Jackie's already coming over with her stuff.  She's coming with us."

"Crap."

Hyde looked up.  He and the rest of the guys were heading to the University of Wisconsin in Madison for a college visit.  Although he was against the whole idea of going to school, no less paying to go to school, there were hot college chicks all over the place, and anyway, what else was there to do around Point Place?  He hadn't figured on Jackie coming though.

"Why is she coming?" he asked innocently.

Mrs. Forman smiled at him.  It made him uncomfortable. 

"You know, I'm just wondering since she's just a junior in high school and doesn't have to worry about this crap yet."  Hyde coughed into his hand and looked away.

"Yes, Kitty?  What he said.  Why is she coming again?"

Mrs. Forman ignored her husband.  "You sure know a lot about Jackie, Steven."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She shrugged.  "Nothing.  I'm just making an observation."

Red grumbled incoherently and examined the car.  He suddenly whipped around, smiling sardonically. "Kitty—look.  There's not enough room in the Cruiser for another person.  It only seats five, so unless you want to leave Eric at home, the loud one stays here."

Mrs. Forman laughed her high-pitched laugh.  "Well, that's easy to fix!  Steven, why don't you drive your car up to Madison too?"

"Kitty," Mr. Forman said, "don't force him to do that.  There's a gas crisis going on."

"Oh stop your moaning, Red.  Jackie's coming."

Just then Jackie appeared in the driveway with Kelso in tow.  Kelso was dragging his own bag as well as Jackie's suitcase full of whatever.  "Hey Mr. and Mrs. Forman."  She deliberately seemed to ignore Hyde.  He silently scoffed at her.  Whatever, he thought.

Fez and Eric came out of the house.  "Are we going yet?" Eric asked dully, glancing over at Donna's house, still depressed that Bob was making Donna visit Marquette instead of the UW.  

"Yes.  Now get in the car, dumbass."  Red made his way to the driver's side.  "Also, Steven is driving too.  One of you other dumbasses get in his car."

"Fez," Hyde said quickly, "you can come with me."

"Oh goody!"

"Now wait a second," Eric said, snapping out of his daze, "I don't want to be trapped in a car with Dad and then Kelso and Jackie.  That's just more than a man can take.  I really am not in the mood to see you two make out"  He shook his head.

"Fine," Red snapped.  "Jackie, you go with Steven since you're the extra."

Hyde, Jackie, and Kelso all said, "No!" at the same time.  Red gave them all a hard stare.  "Can it! Just get in the car before I send you all to military school.  I don't want to hear any more arguing."

Eric pointed at Hyde and laughed silently.  _I'm going to kill Forman_, Hyde thought angrily, heading out towards his car.  _I'm going to snap him like a string bean._

Half way to the el Camino, Hyde realized that Jackie wasn't behind him.  He turned and saw her still standing in the driveway, her suitcase at her feet.  She glanced around uncertainly, a lost look on her face.  Hyde paused and just watched her, pushing back his thoughts and feelings and just letting himself look at her.  He took a step forward but then stopped.  He cupped his hands over his mouth and finally yelled, "Come on, Jackie! Let's go."

She didn't move right away but finally began a slow walk towards him and the el Camino.  Hyde shook his head and then headed to the car himself.  He went to the driver's side to wait for her, but she was taking an extra long time.  The Formans had already pulled into the street and were waiting for him.  Jackie seemed to be struggling with her bag. 

Seriously, Hyde thought, what the hell did women pack with them in those suitcases?  They were going to be there for just the weekend.  Hyde cracked his knuckles and shook his head again.  Taking a deep breath, he left the side of the car and went towards Jackie.  

"Here," he said gruffly when he got to her, taking the suitcase out of her hand and carrying it himself to the trunk of the car.  Jackie didn't say thank you, didn't say a word.  She just looked at him, a strange expression on her face.  

  
Hyde tried not to look at her, but it was hard.  He bit his lip and tried to focus.  "C'mon," he said, clearing his throat, his voice gentler than before.  "Let's get going."

Jackie nodded, seemingly in a daze, and got into the passenger side of the car.   

Hyde gripped the wheel with both hands, his knuckles turning pink.  He started the car, looked straight ahead, and then they were off.

**[end chapter five]**


	6. School Daze

Unrequited 

by Jaded (opheliadrowning@hotmail.com)

Rating: PG-13

Summary:  A trip to the UW tests will power, reveals feelings, and only further complicates a complicated realtionship.  

A/N: Takes place when "Over the Hills and Far Away" should be taking place.

Chapter Six:  School Daze 

A measured breath, gaze straight ahead, Hyde took the el Camino around the on-ramp and merged into the flow of traffic and onto the highway heading towards Madison.  He then quickly changed lanes, the car ahead of him in the right lane puttering along slowly.  As he zoomed by he cast a glance at the car.  It was an older couple, pointing at the clusters of trees at each side of the highway and acting as though highway151 was the scenic route around Devil's Lake State Park.  

It was fall in Wisconsin, and the trees were putting on a show, the leaves transitioning from green to yellow, yellow to orange, and occasionally ending with a flourish of cardinal red at its very tip like a hot blush.  

Nature, Hyde thought. _Whatever._ And he drove on, lost in thought.

When he had looked over at the old couple he had seen more than just them, more than some trees.  Hyde hadn't failed to notice that Jackie was only a foot away from him, her hands folded in her lap, her head leaning against the passenger-side window.  She looked…well, she looked beautiful, but he wasn't going to tell her that.  Her head was already big enough, and anyway, he didn't say that kind of stuff and especially not to her, not now.

So this was going to be like a test, and as much as Hyde hated tests, it didn't mean that he wasn't any good at them.  He could do fine if he tried, and he knew that with this, he had to try, and try damn hard too.  Because it would be so easy, he thought, to just pull the car over onto the side of the road and kiss her, lean her into the upholstery, run his hands over her warm, tan skin, and tangle his fingers into her soft, dark hair.  Hyde remembered that she liked being kissed on the neck, and how when he used to trail kisses down her jaw to the hollow of her throat she'd squirm and giggle, and ultimately melt into his arms.  Then they would lapse into their own little world even though it was still just Forman's basement or Jackie's bedroom, where time didn't matter and it was just them.

He was startled to discover how vivid and detailed the image was and how quickly it had come to mind.  He was also bothered by the little voice in the back of his head that told him that even if he did pull over and if she agreed to make-out with him like they had all summer, it wouldn't be enough, and how it would never be enough.

Two months and he still had her on the brain, and he knew that if he didn't exorcise her out of his head soon he was going to go all Linda Blair-head-spinning-pea-soup-puking crazy.  Maybe Forman was right and Jackie was the devil.  It would explain why he felt like he possessed by her day in and day out and into the night.  Why he couldn't stop thinking about her even when he tried.

Passing the town of Beaver Dam, Hyde had already lost track of the Formans and the Vista Cruiser which he remembered passing a couple of miles back.  They'd met up in Madison later though, but Hyde hoped that they weren't too far behind.  Being alone with Jackie in the car was one thing because he could pretend to concentrate on the road and she could pretend to stare at trees or something, but once they got into town and had to wait for everyone else, it would be harder.

Hyde realized then that they hadn't spoken one word to each other in half an hour, not since they had left the Forman's driveway, and this was unusual for Jackie who had had trouble shutting up when he had had his tongue practically down her throat.  He dared to glance over again and saw that she seemed to be asleep.  

He drove on, but after two minutes looked at her again.  

"Kelso," he muttered, the name coming out bitter like poison.  Hyde shook his head, and out of the corner of his eye saw Jackie twitch in her seat.  He raised an eyebrow.  Was she _faking _being asleep?

He cleared his throat and spoke again.  "But what could you possibly expect from a _cheerleader?_  Piss-poor taste and no common sense."  He glanced at her again, watching to see if she moved or woke up but saw that she didn't. He tried again, and this time in a loud, clear voice that gave up any pretenses that he actually believed she was asleep.  "You two deserve one another then."  But Jackie did not stir in her seat.

Maybe she really was asleep.  Hyde wasn't so sure anymore.  Seeing a sign that said "Madison: 15 miles," he considered trying one more time to test her, to see if she was really awake or not.  He had even thought of the perfect phrase, one that would shock her into a reaction no matter what:  "Jackie, I love you."  But when he tried to say it the words stuck in his throat like a side-ways pill and he found himself unable to even manage one syllable.

So instead Hyde just continued on until they got into Madison and he arrived on the University of Wisconsin campus.  It took a few minutes to orient himself in the downtown area because there were so many one-way streets, but eventually he found the hotel that Red had booked for them and pulled into the parking lot to wait for the other car to show up.

Jackie looked genuinely asleep now.  Her chest rose and fell in an easy rhythm and there was even a little drool on the corner of her mouth.  Hyde smiled to himself, imagining how embarrassed she would've be if she knew that she was a drooler.  

When he finally did see Red pull the Vista Cruiser in the lot, he leaned over to wake Jackie up.  He reached over and stroked her cheek with his finger and said her name before he realized what he was doing.  But instead of pulling back he let his hand linger there for a moment, letting himself think that the reason was because he was a red-blooded American boy, and like any red-blooded American boy he as taking advantage of a hot girl when the opportunity arose.  But even Hyde knew that was far from the truth.  

But really, he thought, what _was _the truth?  The government was always lying, and Jackie—she was obviously lying to herself—but maybe she didn't know it.  He may not have known the truth himself, but he thought himself a pretty good judge of what was a lie.

Seeing Red getting out of the car, then seeing Eric emerge looking obviously disgruntled, Hyde pulled his hand away reluctantly and opened his door to get out.  

"Jackie!" he barked.  "Time to get up and get out."

She jumped slightly and turned her gaze onto him, her eyes wide and surprised.  She blinked, opened her mouth to say something, and then promptly shut it.  Shaking her head to knock the cobwebs out of her head, she slowly opened the door to get out, but not without giving him a second, parting glance.

He did his best to ignore her and then doubled the effort when he saw Kelso scamper over to her and take her hand and kiss her on the cheek.  They headed off, following the Formans into the hotel, leaving Hyde to carry his bags and hers.

***

There were way too many sluts at the UW, Jackie thought.  She stood in the lobby of Chadbourne Hall and glared at every pretty girl that walked by, and there were too many for her taste.  She could hear Michael making little squeals of delight next to her, and she did her best to ignore him.  She knew about his love for sluts, and she also knew that sluts loved him.  Together, they were a dangerous combination.  That was why she was here too, or at least she told herself.

She let her eyes wander around the room—Fez was also entranced by the many college slutbags—until they finally came to rest on Steven.  Jackie felt her chest tighten.  He loved sluts too, and had already gotten his fair share of looks from passing girls.  Michael was pretty, but Steven looked and acted—for the most part—like a man, and that seemed to be more appealing to these older girls.  He carried himself differently from Eric or Michael, and the beard probably helped.

Jackie suddenly felt like a little girl, and she shrank back.  But why? she thought.  I'm as every bit a woman as any of these girls if not more.  She gave the stink-eye to a girl that seemed to take a particular interest in Steven and watched with satisfaction as the girl stopped, looked confused, and scurried away like a scared little squirrel.  Steven gave her an angry smirk, but she just shrugged and smirked back.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he mouthed. 

"Nothing," she mouthed back innocently and turned her attention to Michael.  He didn't know it, but she had heard him in the car when he had insulted her and Michael, and she was pissed at him.  

Wanting to avoid any sort of confrontation on the way to Madison, Jackie had pretended to be asleep.  It had been hard though.  She was a normally chatty  person and she had always loved to talk Steven's ear off because she knew it annoyed him to no end, but that ultimately he listened to every single word she said, but to talk to him then would've only had led to trouble.  She knew that it would end with them fighting—or kissing each other passionately—and she couldn't allow either one of those situations to happen. 

She had eventually really fallen asleep, but she had heard him mock her relationship with Michael, and it had hurt her and had made her angry.  What right did Steven Hyde have to insult her relationship?  He didn't know what a relationship was, what is was like, how hard it was to keep one together.  Where did he get the gall to say what was right or wrong with hers?

"Michael!" she snapped when she saw him making googily-eyes at some girl.

"What?!" he shrieked.  

Jackie shook her head sadly and grabbed him by the wrist.  "You need to behave.  If you don't remember, let me refresh your mind."  She pulled at his arm again and made him crouch until his head was level with hers.  "You, Michael Kelso, are with me.  Remember?"  He nodded slowly.  "And," she said, raising her voice to a shrill pitch, "you are still on probation, which means you are NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT OTHER GIRLS!"

"But Jackie!" he whined, looking behind him.  "That's like . . . it's like me telling you that when you're at a mall you're not allowed to shop!"

"No," she said, "it's really not.  Really, Michael, did you want to be with me or not?"

"I do," he said in defeat.

"Good.  Now go find me something to drink.  And it better be cold!"

He ran off and Eric came up to her, an eyebrow raised.  "Jackie, tell me again, why ARE YOU HERE?"

Unfazed, Jackie answered, "To supervise Michael."

"You are not going to come with us to the college parties and yell at Kelso all night, are you?" Fez asked, tearing his eyes away from the crowds of young co-eds for a second.

"Yeah, Jackie, because that would really kill the mood and then what use would the ladies be for our libidos?"  

She whipped around.  It was Steven.

"Don't let me stop you from finding a skank and getting laid," she said acidly.

He smirked.  "Don't worry about that."  He had his sunglasses off and was staring at her, his eyes almost daring her to say or do something.

And she wanted to.  She wanted to scream at him, but she didn't know exactly what words and in what order.  He was driving her absolutely crazy, and especially so in the last few months.  He _hated_ that she was Michael, and he made that known to both of them every moment he could with whatever little backhanded comment he had in his arsenal.  

It frustrated her to no end that she didn't know _why_ he acted like that.  Did he just want to make her miserable?  Or did he want her?  But she erased that thought from her mind as soon as it came up.  He had made it abundantly clear that her company disgusted him now, and that probably hurt her more than anything.  

That day she had taken him to the mall with her she had hoped that they could have remained friends.  Friends with benefits, the voice in the back of her mind whispered, and the memory of that day, the remembrance of  his closeness made her heart flutter.  But he had stormed off, and almost every comment to her after that was a burn, a backhanded comment, a snarl.  

They had agreed to end their summer fling, so why did it feel like it was anything but over?

"Oh my god!" Fez yelled suddenly.  Jackie jerked her head up to see what he was yelling about.  "It is a naked college girl!"

A girl walked past the lobby wrapped in nothing but a towel and flip flops.  Jackie glared at her, then at all the boys, even Eric and Fez who she really didn't care about like that. 

"Hold it—girls live here?" Mr. Forman, who had been talking to the resident advisor suddenly asked.

"Yes sir," the advisor responded.  "We're co-ed here."

The boys made a squealing happy noise.

"SHUT IT, you dumbasses," Mr. Forman boomed.  "That's it.  You are staying with us at the motel."

"But Dad!"

"Eric--"

"Okay! Okay!"

Steven hit Eric on the shoulder, Fez glared, and Michael shrieked in indignation.  The only person who left Eric alone was Jackie.  She was pleased with the change in plans.

***

At around nine o'clock that evening, after being treated to a lecture on Mrs. Forman's ovaries and her other lady problems, the boys left their hotel room still shaking out whatever mental images she had put into their heads with the exception of Fez, who seemed a little too interested in the subject, and who needed to be dragged out of the room by all three boys.

Jackie, who was staying in the room next door, pounced on them the second they walked out of the door.  Did she have super-hearing or something, Hyde wondered as he attempted to ignore her completely.

"Where are you going?" she said.  She seemed to be addressing them all, not just Kelso.  Hyde gave her a look, then shot one at Forman who seemed to pick up on the cue.  It was a perk of being best friends for so long.

"Bible study," he said.

"Really?" she said not believing him at all.  "Michael?"

"Bible study?" Fez asked.  "You son of a bitch!  Why did you pull me out of the room then?  I would rather learn about the natural wonders of the female body from Miss Kitty than go to Bible study!  What happened to the party?"

"Fez!" both Hyde and Eric shouted at once.

"Party?  Michael, were you going to invite me to this party?"  

Hyde rolled his eyes and walked down the hallway away from her.  Man, he thought, she's already back in rare form to the Jackie of days of old.  Mean, bossy, and demanding.  He wondered what he had seen in her.  Well, he thought as he turned around and looked at her again, she was still really, really hot.  He pulled at his collar and turned away again, shoving his hands into his pockets.  He wasn't going to think about her anymore.  Right, he thought, don't think about her.  That's the ticket.

"Of course, Jackie!" Kelso lied.  He went and put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.  Hyde opened and closed a fist, unable to not watch.  "A party without you, baby, isn't really a party."

Hyde snorted loudly.  Jackie shot him a look, but this time it wasn't an angry look.  Her face looked soft, her eyes wide and her mouth just slightly open in something like a smile.

"C'mon, let's go," he barked.  "If we keep pansying around like this the keg is gonna be tapped before we get there.  I don't know about you losers, but I ain't wasting my college experience."

"Yeah!" Kelso shouted.  "To the beer!"  

"To the beer!" Forman chimed in, and they filed down the hallway.

They had found out about the party from one of their campus tour guides.  "Yeah, man," their tour guide Sid had told them during a lull when all the squares had gone to explore one of the libraries, "there's gonna be this huge blow-out on Langdon Street.  Lots of hot chicks, lots of good beer.  It's by all those frat houses but it's not actually AT a frat house," he continued, a fact that reassured Hyde.  Brotherhood was one thing, but organized meatheads was another.  "It's pretty cool," Sid went on, "all the hot sorority babes go there too."

"It is like Christmas!" Fez had said.  "Except with beer and whores instead of eggnog and reindeer!"

When they finally found the house where the party was at they managed to glide in without any trouble.  It helped that Jackie went first and there was a pimply nerd at the front door who couldn't keep his drool to himself when he saw her.  A few winks there, a little show of leg here, and she even managed to get him to waive the five dollar cover they were asking for all of them.

However, when the guy tried to grab her ass on the way in as some sort of compensation or perk of the job, Hyde frogged him hard on the arm before he got a feel of anything.  Hyde grabbed the nerd by his collar an d pulled him up.

"Think you're a big college man, do ya?  Do that again and this won't be the last you see of me."  Some guys, he thought, dusting his hands off.  Forman giggled and Fez gave him a high-five.  Kelso seemed a little put out that Hyde had to defend his woman, but Hyde knew that he hadn't done anything, no one else would have.  He also couldn't help but wonder if Jackie had seen or heard any of it.  He kind of hope she hadn't, but then a little part of him hoped that she had.

"I need beer," he grumbled and went wandering to what looked like a kitchen.

Three beers later he was finally having a good time.  Forman was chatting with some girl who looked like she as trying to find an escape route—he was probably talking about Donna again—and Fez was being persuaded to do a keg stand by some girls.  Kelso in the meanwhile, seemed to have disappeared, which meant Jackie should've been with him too, but she wasn't.  He saw her a few feet away from him and looking really annoyed.  He considered going and getting her a beer so at least she wouldn't look so surly, but he decided against it.  To stop thinking about her or whatever he was doing, he had to stop talking to her, and getting things to her was bordering on nice to boot, and he didn't do "nice."

"Hey there."  Hyde looked up.  It was a girl.  And a hot one too.  Blonde, curvy in all the right places, and looking interested in him and willing.

"Hey," he said, keeping his voice low and even, which he found drove the right kind of girl wild because it betrayed just enough mystery and aloofness to make them want him even more.  

She reached out and touched his chin.  "So that's a great beard.  I've never made out with a guy with a beard."

Hyde shifted his beer from one hand to the other and gave her a smile.  "Well, this could be your lucky day." 

"Want to go to my room?" she asked.  Man, he as loving these college girls.  Hot, and forward as all hell.

"Absolutely," he said, standing up.  She took his hand and began pulling him along.

Across the room in the dark he saw Forman, and then he saw Jackie.  She was staring at him hard, her arms crossed, her lips set in a thin line.  He hesitated for a moment, and the girl, noticing it, turned.

"What's wrong?" 

"You know what?" he said, "I'll be with you in a second.  I just gotta go tell my friends that they shouldn't expect me tonight."

She grinned, obviously liking his line of thinking.  She leaned in close to his ear and whispered, "Sounds great.  Tell them you'll see them tomorrow.  I'll go freshen up a little.  Room 521.  Don't keep me waiting." 

"Don't worry about that."  She left and he quickly made his way over to Forman to tell him what was going on, but before he could Jackie intercepted him halfway, grabbing him roughly by the arm and pulling him out into the hallway with her.  She kept going, dragging him until they reached the empty stairwell.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!" he said, shaking her hand off.  "Damn, Jackie!"

"What the hell do you think _you're _doing" she demanded.

"What? Jackie--"

"Are you really going to spend the night with that slut?"

"That was the general idea."

"You can't."

Their voices were echoing in the stairway.  He wouldn't have doubted it if the rest of the dorm was listening in to their conversation right now.  

"You know what, Jackie?" he hissed,  "I think I can."

Pure frustration swept over her face and she stamped her foot angrily.  The sound echoed like a shotgun going off in a cave, bouncing off the walls and bounding back at them.  "You can't," she said again, her voice quiet and quivering with emotion.  She shook her head vigorously.  It made Hyde pause, made him check his anger.  He took a step closer to her.  He could smell her perfume and he swore he could feel her familiar warmth radiating from her body.  He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling a little overwhelmed by her nearness.  

"Why," he asked again, his voice calm as he could force it.  

She turned her head up and looked at him, her eyes dark and searching.  Their faces were only inches apart.

"You know," she insisted.

"No, I don't," he said.  "Tell me."

"You just—I—you just can't!" she cried.  He could see tears forming in the corner of her eyes.  "You deserve better."

"We all deserve better, Jackie, but that isn't how it always works out, now is it?  You deserve better than Kelso, but obviously that didn't stop you from getting back together with him, did it?"

"How dare you," she said, her voice small but accusing.  Her hands curled into little fists and she moved to strike him but he caught her wrists in his hands.

Hyde looked into her face, his heart beating fast and hard.  He leaned in towards her again, momentarily unsure what he was going to do or what he wanted to do.  He could feel the hairs on his arms standing up.  No matter how long ago they had stopped their little affair there was still something left, something like electricity, like lightning, something hot and powerful and intense.  The part of his brain that he normally told to shut the hell up took this opportunity to name what he was feeling.  He missed her, missed her closeness so much that he had shut that part of himself down and had done everything possible to ignore it.

Hyde saw her lick her lips, the pink tongue passing quickly over her mouth.  Jackie's breathing had become shallow and quick.  She was watching him carefully, waiting for his next move.  

His head bobbed closer to her face, and for a moment he closed his eyes, ready to let whatever happen happen, but sense grabbed a hold of him and shook him to his senses.  He leaned in again, but this time his mouth moved towards her ear, his lips brushing against the curve by her hairline.

"I'm not your boyfriend, Jackie," he said softly.  "You don't get to tell me what to do."   He dropped her wrist and pulled away, turning back towards the hall as quickly as possible.  

Jackie made a noise, a gasp almost like a sob, but Hyde pretended not to hear it, getting out of the stairwell as quickly as possible.  He stumbled through the door and looked wildly around the hallway, disoriented.  He couldn't remember where he had wanted to go, what he had wanted to do.  His hands touched the wall and he felt his way around the corridor, letting his legs carry him to where they thought he was supposed to be.  The only thing he knew for sure through his daze was that he could not go back.  It was too late for that now.

**[end chapter six]**


	7. The Lion in Winter

Unrequited 

by Jaded (opheliadrowning@hotmail.com)

Summary: Jackie and Hyde reach new levels of viciousness with each other.  Takes place after "Thank You" and before "Black Dog" on the Season 5 timeline.

Rating: PG-13

A/N:  This chapter is titled for the play/film of the same name starring Katharine Hepburn and Peter O'Toole.  Chosen because of the viciousness of words and intensity of emotions that run throughout that play/film, and also because, you know, it's set in the winter.  

Dedicated to the cool cat refugees from fan forum for their support, their humor, and the good times.

Chapter Seven: The Lion in Winter 

"So Jackie, any new cases of V.D. for you these days?  Or hasn't Kelso shown you the new additions to his collection yet?  I'm sure he's just got _tons._"

In the weeks since the college visit to the UW, the viciousness between Jackie and Hyde reached all-time highs.  Everyone was starting to notice, even Red (who had stopped Hyde in the driveway one day and had said, "I normally don't give a rat's ass, but . . ."), but neither Hyde nor Jackie cared.

"Well I'm sure you could give him a run for his money," she snapped back, throwing her hair over her shoulder and sticking her nose up at him.  She flounced over to the sofa in the basement and sat down, ignoring him.  Jackie had just walked into the basement unannounced.

Hyde stood near the entrance to his room, his arms crossed and glaring at her.  His attention snapped back to the door when he heard someone else walk in.

"Michael!" Jackie said, "go upstairs and get me a soda."

Kelso hesitated.  The "honeymoon" period of their re-relationship had passed, and being under Jackie's thumb didn't seem as much fun to Kelso as it had at first.

"Jackie--" he started.

"Probation?!" she snapped.  "Remember?"

He ran up the stairs, stumbling on the third step, but recovering before he took out his own eye.

Hyde leaned against the wall and stared at the back of her head.  "I see true love is working out for you," he said, unable to hide the disgust in his voice.

Jackie was silent for a moment, but finally in a shaky voice, Hyde heard her say, "Whatever," under her breath.

He laughed, shaking his head.  He walked over and sat down in his chair.  She was only a foot away, the closest they had been to one another in weeks.  

Hyde could smell her perfume.  Faint and clean like flowers or baby powder.  He swallowed, suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed and momentarily forgetting what he had intended to say.  He let out a long breath in attempt at recovering some composure.  It was hard to be this close to her and not remember the many times they had found themselves sprawled on the couch and tangled up in one another, using their mouths to do something other than burning one another.

"Whatever?" he said, remembering his train of thought.  "Don't try that crap with me, Jackie.  I taught you Zen.  It won't work on me."

"Whatever," she said again, her voice more firm this time.

Hyde leaned back in his seat and pushed his sunglasses further down his nose, watching her out of the corner of his eye.  Jackie was staring at the television even though it wasn't even on.  Her focus was intense.  A little too intense.

He tapped his fingers on his leg and looked back at the stairs to see if anyone else was going to be coming down any time soon.  It was still just him and her in the basement, and that had proved to be a dangerous combination in the past.  Any longer and they were liable to tear each other apart—or tear each other's clothes off—it was a toss-up.

After he had gone off with that college girl a couple of weeks back when they had been in Madison, Jackie had acted upset and angry like a jealous girlfriend.  Except she had acted like _his_ jealous girlfriend, not Kelso's.  Yet she was still with Kelso, hanging on his arm, kissing him in front of Hyde and the rest of the world.  

And that pissed him off, because it made him think—well—it made him not know what to think.  On one hand he was angry because no one had a right—especially Jackie—to act like he belonged to them, but it also gave him a strange sense of satisfaction for reasons he didn't care to discuss or acknowledge.   

He almost missed it when she shot him a quick glance, her arms relaxing and falling into her lap.  She was playing with her skirt, her fingers wrapped around the smooth blue fabric of the hem.  He could see her knee poking out.

"Jackie."  He heard himself say her name in his head, but when he looked up he saw that Kelso had returned, and it had been Kelso saying her name.  It was also Kelso handing her the soda, and it was Kelso who tried to look down her shirt and got slapped as a result.

"Damn Jackie!  I'm your boyfriend, remember?  I should be allowed certain perks!"

"Well looking down my shirt isn't one of them."

Kelso grinned.  "Oh, I get it.  I don't to look down you shirt.  I get to take it off!"

"Michael!"

Hyde snorted, feeling like himself again.  "Don't you know, Kelso?  Everyone gets to do that to Jackie.  Don't feel too special."

Jackie shot him a look of a thousand daggers.  "Shut up, _Hyde._"

"Is that the best you can do?" he asked, leaning forward in his chair.

"Well, if that were true, which it is not, then it's probably due to the fact that I lowered my standards this summer."

"And then you lowered them even more at the end of the summer," he said, giving her a significant look.

Kelso looked at the both of him.  "Huh?"

"At least I have some standards," she spat.  "You—you just run off with whatever slut is willing to give it up. . . "

"Hey," Hyde said, leaning back in the chair and crossing his right leg over his left knee, "I'm all for the sexual revolution.  If the ladies are up for it, so am I.  There's no need for name calling or labels, Ja--"

". . . without any regard for other people's feelings!"

Hyde started and there was a long  paused that followed.  "And who would these other people be, Jackie?" he asked evenly.

The long silence was eventually broken by a knocking at the back door.  Then another knock.  Hyde wanted to know Jackie's answer, or to even know if she'd be willing or even brave enough to say what they both already knew.  The knock came again.

"The suspense is killing me!" Kelso squealed, looking at both Jackie and Hyde, bouncing with curiosity and oblivious to what was going on.  He seemed to think it was a riddle instead of the cosmic joke it really was.

 There was another knock, louder this time, and a voice that asked, "Hyde?"

He had to go answer it now and got up to open the door.  He could feel both Jackie and Kelso watching him as he went.

"Hey, babe."  A tall, leggy blonde walked in.  She reached for Hyde and caressed his bicep as she leaned in and gave him a full-on kiss on the mouth.  He'd been expecting her, but Hyde hadn't realized how soon especially with the added distraction of Jackie and Kelso.

It had just come up too.  At school earlier that day, Julie Carson had just come up to him, asked him if she could touch her hair because she thought it was cool, and asked him if he had the evening free for some Friday-night fun.  She was hot, had a convertible, and he had no plans so he had said, "Why the hell not."  But she couldn't have come at a more awkward time, and even she seemed to pick up on that.

"Um, hey guys," she said, waving lamely to Jackie and Kelso.

"Hey!" Kelso said.  He looked at Hyde then and give him a thumbs up.  Jackie said nothing, and for some reason that silence combined with the look on her face made his chest ache and his stomach hurt.  He put an arm around Julie's waist and tried to shake the feeling, but it would not go away.

"Uh, anyway.  We're heading out."  Hyde put a hand on the small of Julie's back and guided her out first.  He couldn't help but give one last look before he closed the door though.  His eyes fell on Jackie, lingering on her face.  

He didn't care if Kelso noticed, he didn't even care if this one look would somehow make Kelso suspect that something had gone on between his oldest friend and his girlfriend over the summer.  This look was for Hyde, and for Hyde alone.  How did a girl—this girl in particular—get him so twisted up inside, he wondered?  He reached for his jacket which was sitting by the record player and looked into her face again.  Her eyes were hard and cold, and it sent a chill through his body.

He had to forget about this, he thought, but he seriously wondered if he could shake Jackie Burkhart out of his mind.  Or if he actually _wanted_ to.  Now that was a mess.  In the meanwhile, as he shut the door and walked out into the chilly Wisconsin day, cold white snowflakes blowing in his face, the gray sky looming overhead, he told himself that one pair of soft lips and one warm body was just as good as any other.  But as he was prone to not trusting anybody or anything, he was starting to think that he couldn't even trust himself.

***

Jackie had sworn that she had known what love was like, how it looked and felt, and could recognize the many different ways it manifested itself.  After all, as the most popular and beautiful girl in Point Place it was practically her job to be the sage of love.  For instance, what she had and had had with Michael was practically like _Love Story_ except without being in college and the dying, and the fact that she thought she was a lot hotter than Ali MacGraw.  

He bought her presents, told her she was pretty all the time, made her feel warm and fuzzy inside when he kissed her, and seemed to need her.  Who else would clean up his boo-boos when he ran into a door or got something in his eye?

But the summer had come and he had run away, and Jackie had found herself wrapped up in Steven.  With him things were drastically different.  For one thing, he didn't buy her stuff like, ever, nor did he ever tell her she was pretty.  But then again, he never had to because she could tell that he thought it by the way he would look at her, like he was drinking her in or like she was the only person in the world who mattered.  And when he kissed her there were no warm fuzzies.  It was more like volcanoes exploding and shooting stars, and sometimes it was like drinking hot cocoa after being outside on a cold winter's day.  It felt warm all over and delicious, and it only made her want to drink more.  

It was difficult to read him.  With Michael it was like reading a children's picture book, bright, colorful, short, and easy to understand.  With Michael, Jackie knew where she usually stood.  But Steven was like trying to read James Joyce translated into Chinese.  

There was no doubt that he had desired her, but somewhere along the line that stopped being enough, and that had scared her more than anything ever had before, even the time that she heard that a lion had escaped from the Milwaukee County Zoo.  For months Jackie had been denying the fact that she wanted to love him, and that she wanted him to love her back.  There were so many things wrong with that idea, but it was there and that was that.  

She could even trace it back to one night, an evening in late July when Eric had been camped out in the basement, curled up in a blanket in front of the television and bawling every time a red-head came on the TV.  Steven had dragged her out of there and driven them to the Point.  It had been a warm evening with a clear sky sparkling with millions of stars.  They had made-out some in the el Camino before he had suggested laying out on the hood of the car to enjoy the evening.  

That was when it all changed.  They had lain side-by-side, staring up at the sky.  On the radio, "Stairway to Heaven" had been playing, except it was already to the part where Zeppelin "rocked out" (that's what he had called it) so it didn't sound all that romantic.  He had had his hands folded behind his head at first, but then she had felt him shift, and found his arm wrapped around her shoulder.  Steven had pulled her closer to him and Jackie had complied happily, resting her head against his chest.  He then bent his head towards her and had kissed her on the forehead, and she could hear him sigh, a very un-Hyde-like thing to do.  That was when it stopped being about just making out and became, at least for her, about being together.

So was it love?  Was what she felt for Steven love, or was it just lust on a different level?  She knew she loved Michael—or at least had loved him once—but what she felt for him and what she felt for Steven was so entirely different, it was like comparing apples to water buffalo.  

Jackie only knew for sure that she felt _something,_ because the night before when Steven had gone on that date with Julie Carson, Jackie had demanded that Michael stay with her in the basement until they got back.   Of course she didn't tell Michael that was why, but that had been the reason.  But it had gotten late and Michael had fallen asleep more than once.  If they stayed any later it would become pretty obvious why they were still there, and Jackie had a feeling that Mr. Forman would come storming down to tell them to go the hell home anyway.

It was now Saturday and she still wanted to know.  She felt kind of like a masochist because more likely than not, he had probably had a good time.  Jackie was also still dying to know what had happened that night up in Madison.  It made her want to throw-up, but it killed her not knowing if he had actually spent the night with that girl or not.  

She went over to the Forman's around noon by herself.  Eric was there of course, as was Donna.  They were snuggled together on the couch calling each other "honey" or "sweetpea."  

"Hey," Jackie said quickly in greeting, looking around the room for any signs of Steven.  Without thinking, she walked into his room to see if he was there, and whether or not he was with anyone else.  The room was empty.  

"Where's Steven?" she asked, aware that the words came out shrill.

"Someone looking for me?"

Jackie looked up the stairs and saw him coming down.  He stopped mid-step when he saw her.  

"Oh," he said. "It's just you," and continued down the stairs.  He sat down in his chair and kicked his feet up onto the table.  "Where's your boyfriend, Jackie?  Lost him already?"

So that's how it was going to be, she thought.  Well I can play that game too.  "No," she said sweetly, "he's safe at home.  I tucked him in last night and left him there this morning.  He's safe.  And satisfied."  So what if it wasn't true, she thought.  The look on Steven's face was worth the white lie. 

"Ew," Eric said, breaking away from Donna momentarily to express his disgust.  "File that one under too much information."

"Satisfied?" Steven said, recovering.  "A bit full of yourself there, aren't you, Jackie?"

"You wouldn't know satisfied if it hit you in the face."

"Oh, trust me, I do.  I never hear any complaints."

"Yeah, you see, the thing is I don't trust you, _Hyde._  So therein lies the problem."

"You think that's the problem, Jackie?  You're even more vapid than I thought.  I always knew you were delusional, but I didn't think you were that stupid."

"Oh, so you're calling me stupid now?  That's nice!"  

"Dude!" Eric said, turning around to shoot them both looks.  "Why don't you guys just go get a room or something?  This crazy sexual tension--"  here he made some wacky hand gestures, "is driving us all crazy."

"Eric!" Donna said, frogging him on the arm.  "Be serious."  She also turned and looked at Jackie and Hyde.  "What's going on you two?"  But they both ignored Donna.  

Jackie took two steps closer to Steven, shouting now.  "You know what, Steven?  No one wants to hear you talking anymore, okay?  Your car that runs on water?  STUPID.  Your government conspiracies?  Also STUPID.  And you know what?  As much as people don't want to hear you talk anymore, they simply just don't want _you._"  

The last statement seem to strike him dumb, and too late Jackie realized that she had gone too far.  She had only been thinking about herself, about what she could say that would hurt him most and in the process had forgotten about his mom and dad, about how they had not left him once, but twice and how that probably made him feel not only unwanted, but unloved.

His mouth was opened slightly in surprise, and his shoulders seemed slumped as though someone had let his air out.  

"Steven, I--"  Jackie wanted to apologize, but instead she fled out the back door, racing up the back stairs and out on the street.

***

He ran after her.  Hyde didn't know why but he did.  Out into the snow he ran, ignoring the strange looks from both Eric and Donna, ignoring the cold and the fact that he was only wearing a thin long-sleeved t-shirt, and ran after Jackie before she could get away.  He saw across the street trying to run in her heeled boots.  He made a mad sprint towards her.

It was beginning to snow heavily.  The snow whirled in mini cyclones around him, his sunglasses becoming plastered with a thin layer of ice.  He pulled them off and ran with them in his hand, using his other hand to block the snow from his eyes. 

"Jackie!" he called, his voice echoing through the quiet neighborhood.  "Jackie!"

He was faster than she was and it only took him a few seconds to catch up to her.  "Jackie!" he said again, reaching out to grab her hand so she couldn't run away anymore.  She whipped her head around so she wouldn't have to look him in the face.

"Leave me alone, Steven!" she said, her voice choked with tears.

"No," he said.  "We have to talk."

"Since when do you want to talk?"

"Since now.  C'mon, Jackie.  What the hell is going on?"

"Why don't you tell me since you seem so damned sure of yourself?"  She still would not turn around.

"Jackie, look at me," he said, his voice gentle.  "Please."  He squeezed her hand.  "Please."

Slowly, she came around, her eyes turning up to look at him.  "What do you want from me?" 

Hyde took a deep breath.  "I want this passive-aggressive stuff to stop for one thing.  Obviously, there's a problem here, so why don't we just come out and say what we mean and get it over with?"

"Get it over with, huh?" she said.  "Okay.  Fine then.  Why don't you start since you're so gung-ho about the truth."

"Fine," he said. Hyde ran a hand through his now snow-coated hair and took a deep breath.  "I think that you and Kelso are a big mistake."  There, he thought, I said it.  "I think that you getting back together with him is just asking for trouble.  Because you're only going to get hurt, Jackie, and you're going to come running to me like you always do when Kelso breaks your heart."

She seemed to take a few seconds to absorb this.  "So what is it?  Is it that you're sick of me running to you when I need help?"

"Jackie, no."

"Or is it because when I run to you, you want me to stay?"  She blinked.  There were snowflakes on her eyelashes.

"I'm just saying," he said quickly, avoiding the question, "that Kelso's just going to hurt you again.  You're setting yourself up for a fall.  I'm not always going to be there to help you pick up the pieces, Jackie. Do you really want to be in a relationship where you're just waiting for the other shoe to drop?"

She looked at him in disbelief.  "At least with Michael," she said angrily, "I know there are shoes."

"What?"  Jackie-speak.  Why did she always have to speak in her messed-up, cheerleader code?

Jackie threw her hands up in the air.  "You know what, Steven?  Nevermind.  If you don't know what I'm getting at, then just nevermind because it's just a waste of both of our time."

She shoved him away and started off again towards her car parked just a few yards away down the street.  

He could have followed her.  He might have, but he didn't.  Instead Hyde stood in the snow and watched her drive off.  Even after a few minutes, long after she had gone, he stood in the snow and stared off to where she had been standing not too long ago.    Eventually, Hyde started to feel cold and walked slowly back to the house.  

Eric was still sitting in the basement when he walked back in.  Donna, it seemed, had left, probably to find out what was going on with Jackie.  

"Hey, man," he said, looking genuinely concerned.  "What's going on with you and Jackie?"

Hyde circled the room and shook off the cold.  He looked his friend in the face, deciding what to say.  Finally, he settled on truth.  

"I don't know, man.  I just don't know."

**[end chapter seven]**


	8. Being There

Unrequited 

By Jaded (opheliadrowning@hotmail.com)

Summary:  As Jackie faces a crumbling family life, she finds herself seeking comfort from Hyde.  Takes place along the season 5 timeline during "Black Dog."

 A/N:  Great big thanks to Annie, who is not only a tremendous help and great source of feedback but also an amazing writer in her own right who has inspired me more than once.

Chapter Eight: Being There 

It was funny—not 'ha-ha' funny or even 'punch-drunk Fez running around with his pants around his ankles funny'—just funny.  He and Jackie had been spending the last few days—weeks—months—running from each other or leaving each other in the lurch, but now, after that last time when she had fled from him in the snow he found that more often than not, they were now always near one another and that it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, or for that matter, even unwanted.  

That bothered him, but only so much as he let it.

It would have been easy to avoid her.  She was usually with Kelso or with Donna, and if they were hanging out in the basement she would probably be there with them too, chattering about cheerleading practice, the latest sale at the mall, or about how pretty she was.  In those cases he could've just found somewhere else to hang out.  He liked being alone.  He could've gone for a drive or gone to The Hub for some fries, but instead he hung around and waited, and even though she knew he would always be there, she always came. 

And if she didn't he'd feel something that felt suspiciously like disappointment.  _Disappointment that she wasn't there to burn_, he'd tell himself.  Then casually he'd lob a question out there about where she might be, just so, you know, he'd know where to avoid, he'd say, but that rarely was the case because she rarely wasn't where he was too.

But she wasn't there today.  Kelso and Donna and Forman and Fez—they were all there in the basement as usual—but Jackie was missing.  Hyde kicked his feet up onto the table and looked around the room.  Fez was examining something small, round, and brown, sniffing it to determine whether or not it was a). sweet or b). edible.  Forman and Donna were curled up together on the couch making sickening baby-talk to each other.  Eric had let it slip a little while back about their engagement, and since the cat was out of the bag now they had no qualms about being mushy around their friends.  

"You two sicken me," Hyde said out loud, but they only stopped making out for a split-second before resuming their lip-lock.

It all made him want to hurl, frankly.  All of it, the mushy crap.  If it wasn't Forman and Donna, it was Fez and the uptight chick from the DMV, Nina.  And worse, if it wasn't that, then it was Kelso hanging all over Jackie, Jackie kissing Kelso back…

Hyde made a loud snort of disgust that made everyone look up.  He hadn't realized how loud it was.  He raised an eyebrow and shrugged.  

"What?"

"I think Hyde is sad because he has no woman," Fez said between slobbery chews of Bazooka bubble gum.

"Shut up, Fez," Hyde said.

Fez threw a handful of gummi bears into his mouth.  "It only hurts because it is true, Hyde.  It is okay that I have a girlfriend now and you don't."  Fez giggled.  "I have a girlfriend!  My lady, Nina, is so beautiful and she makes me dance in my pants."

Hyde got out of his chair and crossed over to where Fez was sitting.  

"You know what else hurts?  My fist."  Fez shifted slightly in his seat at first, and Hyde thought he was trying to get away but then realized a second later that Fez was only trying to prevent the stash of candy on his lap from falling to the ground.  Hyde frogged Fez on the shoulder and sat back down.

"Ai!"

"Aw," Eric said.  "Hyde.  It's okay.  Even orphan boys need love!"

"Whatever happened with Julie?" Donna asked, shoving Eric playfully.

"Yeah, Hyde," Kelso added.  "She was totally hot.  Did you nail her?"

"Kelso!"

"What Big-D?  Is it so wrong to be interested in the lives of my friends? If it is, I don't want to be right."

"You morons need to shut it."  Hyde crossed his arms and gnashed his teeth together.  He definitely should've spent this afternoon alone.  Staying here had been a mistake.

"It's okay, Hyde," Eric said, still smirking.  "If you want to talk about your feelings, go ahead. We're all friends here."

"If you keep talking, Forman, you're going to be the only one doing all the feeling, and trust me, it's going to hurt." 

Did he really have to explain to them again that he didn't subscribe to relationships?  That he wasn't a one-woman kind of man?  That he preferred to love 'em and leave 'em and avoid all the mind games that came with having a girlfriend?  Hyde sighed.  There was no point in saying it all over again.  They had heard it all before, and like the truth he told them about the water-powered car that the government was hiding from the people, they either wouldn't believe him or else just shrug and tell him to just wait and see.  Whatever.

There was a long silence that followed punctuated only by the occasional bubble being popped by Fez who began to methodically separate his gummies into piles of the same color before he went ahead and bit all their little fruit-flavored gummi heads off.

Hyde wasn't the only one to notice the unusual quiet.

"Not that I care," Forman said, "but where's that loudmouth girlfriend of yours, Kelso?  Off worshipping Lucifer?"

"Nooo, Eric," Kelso said.  "Jackie's not off with some guy named Lucifer.  How can you spread vicious rumors about her cheating on me?  She wouldn't do that.  I mean, look at me."

Hyde looked up.

"Cheese guy," Donna coughed into her first trying to hide her smile.

Kelso either didn't hear her or chose to ignore it.  "She said it was something with her Dad and some brides or something."

"Brides?" Eric said.

"I don't _know_, Eric.  Like I'm supposed to actually pay attention to that kind of stuff."  

"Brides?" Hyde said, his voice cracking.  He suddenly felt a little out of his head.  "Shit, Kelso, she's not going to try to get you to marry her again, is she?"

Kelso froze and turned white.  He gave Hyde a startled look.  Kelso swayed from his perch on the backrest of the couch.  Eric reached out a hand to steady him.

"Whoa there, Humpty!"

Just then the back door slammed open and a shaky-looking Jackie burst in, her face miserable.  A gust of cold winter air came blasting in, and Kelso was so startled by the sudden noise that he tumbled backwards off the couch and landed on the floor with a dull thud.

She seemed to take in her surroundings quickly, her eyes dark and wild and darting all over the room.  Jackie looked down at her boyfriend, sprawled like discarded octopus on the floor and then without a second glance she reached her arms out, took six quick strides forward, stepping over Kelso in the process, and didn't stop until she was sitting in Hyde's lap, her arms were wrapped around his neck.

"Steven, my dad is going to prison.  What am I going to do?"

Hyde felt his face flush hot and was glad that Jackie was covering his face so that no one else could see.  Her coat was still stiff and cold from her being outside and some of the coat's fur trim was getting into his mouth.  But he didn't let go of her.  He didn't try to push her away.  If anything, as he felt her sobbing into his shoulder he reflexively pulled her closer to him, his arms tightening around her small body.  

Her cheek was pressed against his and he could feel how soft and warm it was, but he could also feel the tears running down her face.  Jackie must be really upset, he thought, and then realized that she was probably expecting him to say something.  Like something…comforting.  His mind blanked.  What the hell was he supposed to say?

Then, Hyde was saved from answering by of all people, Kelso, who shrieked in indignation when he finally recovered from his fall.

"Jackie!  Why are you always running to Hyde?  C'mon, look at these broad shoulders. They're perfect for crying on."

Hyde wanted to remind Kelso the number of times that her crying had been a result of something stupid he had done, but instead he said, "Shut up, Kelso.  This isn't about you, all right?  Lay the hell off."

Jackie pulled away from him and looked Hyde in the eyes.  Her lips were parted slightly and her tears had stopped momentarily.  He coughed nervously and looked away.

"Jackie, what's wrong?" Donna asked, getting up from the couch and crossing over to hear friend.  

Jackie loosened her grip on Hyde but she didn't let go of him completely, not yet.

"The police came by today and said that they're going to send my dad to prison because he was caught bribing people, and my mom still isn't home and I don't know what I'm supposed to do."  She hiccuped, then covered up her mouth in embarrassment.  "My world is falling apart."

"Oh, Jackie."  Donna opened her arms to give Jackie a hug and slowly Jackie extracted herself from Hyde, her hand lingering on his thigh until the last possible moment.  He stared at her, dismay and confusion on his face, but he quickly adjusted his expression so that there was no expression there.

"Does this mean we're not going to the party at Davy Milbauer's house tonight?" Fez asked, his face falling.  "He said that there would be a keg."

"And as you all know, a keg great increases the probability of boobage among girls ages 15-19," Kelso said.  

"Kelso!" Donna snapped.  

"What?"

"No," Jackie sniffled.  "It's okay.  I . . . I do want to go to the party tonight.  It'll help me get my mind off this.   I really don't want to be alone tonight."  She looked up, her eyes lingering on Hyde's for a split second longer than they had to.  "The house is just so empty, you know?  No.  Let's go to the party."

"Score!" Kelso said.

***

Eric drove them to Davy Milbauer's house that evening, although Hyde opted to drive his own car there.  It was already deep enough into winter that the sun set around 4:30pm and now at 9:45pm Point Place was pitch black along the back roads save a few starbursts of light from the street lamps that dotted the streets with decreasing frequency as they got closer to Davy's house.  

Jackie was wedged in the back with Kelso and Fez.  The streets were covered in ice and snow so Eric was taking his sweet time getting them to the party.

"We'll get there fashionably late!" he barked when Jackie had nagged him about driving like somebody's grandma, so she laid off and leaned back into the Vista Cruiser's ratty back cushion, her arms folded together.

She couldn't believe that her dad was going to prison.  She had known that something had been wrong lately—he had been working later and later nights and had snapped at her more than a few times when he had actually been at home—but prison?  She had tried to call her mom but she hadn't been able to reach her.  Jackie wasn't even sure if her mom was still at the Fiesta de las Margaritas like she claimed.  

She bit her lip.  _Don't cry,_ she scolded herself.  

They finally reached Davy's house and from the outside the place was lit up like Christmas.  Warm lights lit up the windows and there were strings of white lights twirled around the evergreen trees.  A smile touched her lips and got out of the car, taking a deep breath of cold, fresh air when she got outside.

Jackie heard the crunching of snow behind her and instinctively knew that it was Hyde.  

"Hey," he said.  He kicked at the snow with his boot.

Jackie looked over her shoulder at him.  "Hey," she said, and that ended their conversation.

Donna came up then and hooked arms with hers.  Her tall, redheaded friend then dragged her into the house.  "You're going to have a good time tonight, Jackie," Donna said reassuringly, and Jackie nodded mutely feeling not so sure.

The party was already in full-force when they got inside, and Davy Milbauer personally greeted them.  "Keg's in the kitchen," he yelled over the music.  "Get it before it taps out."

Michael went sprinting ahead and Jackie sighed as she watch him disappear down the hallway.  The honeymoon most certainly was over.  He was already back to taking her for granted, to ignoring her when she might have actually wanted him around.  

Donna had split off with Eric already, Fez had found some girl to talk to, explaining to her how he found her foxy but that he already had a girlfriend so therefore, was off-limits, and Michael was gone.  So there was only Hyde left and she didn't know how she felt about him.  Or did she?  Jackie took a deep breath and scanned the room to find him.  

She didn't see him in the living room so she wandered out into the hallway.  She found him there, but he wasn't the only thing she found.  Hanging onto his arm was tall, blond, beautiful Julie Carson.  

Jackie's face fell.  Julie was leaning up to Hyde and whispering something into his ear.  He was still wearing his jacket so he must have come in and gone directly to Julie. She knew it was childish, but she fled from the scene, hoping that she hadn't been seen.

Why did all the men in her life have to make her so miserable?  Steven?  Michael?  Her father?  Jackie had thrown her coat on the couch in the living room and went back to grab it.  She really didn't want to be inside right now around people and things that made her feel worse than she already did.

Finding the back door that lead into the back yard she pulled it open with both hands, ignoring the complaints from people who bitched and moaned about how she was letting all this cold air in, and stepped outside.  

Jackie wrapped her arms around herself.  It was really cold out but she needed to be alone now.  She crossed the patio and headed toward the gazebo that was adjacent to it.  It was covered in snow on the top but inside the bench seats were clear.  She sat down and leaned against the wall.  

Any other time and she might have thought about how beautiful it looked out here, how the gazebo, covered with snow and twinkling Christmas lights looked like a page out of a fairy tale.  Did princesses in those stories ever have their fathers being sent to prison and their drunk mothers A.W.O.L.?  Probably not.  It was more cut-and-dry in fairy tales.  What Jackie would've done for a evil witch or a dragon to slay just then.  

She was ready to wallow some more when she heard footsteps approaching.  

"Jackie?" 

She jumped up from her seat, startled.

"Steven?" she whispered as he emerged from the shadows.  

"Geez, Jackie, what the hell are you doing out here? It's freezing."  He reached out and touched her hand.  His fingers were still cold.

"Why do you care?"  She shook his hand off hers.  "Why don't you go back inside to _Julie_.  I'm sure she's nice and warm."

"Jackie," he said warningly.

"Just leave me alone."

She turned and waited for him to leave but he didn't.  

"No," he said evenly.  He reached over and put his hand on her right shoulder and turned her around to face him.  "Not this time."  

Jackie looked up at him surprised, and even in the dark she could see how beautiful his blue eyes were, especially when that gaze was trained on her.  She shivered.

"Jackie, I know this thing with your dad hard on you."

"You think?" she bit.

He gave her a look, and remembering his family history she lowered her head, a little ashamed. 

"Sorry," she said. 

"It's hard," he continued unfazed, "but you get over it and you move on.  It gets a little less hard every day." 

"It doesn't feel like it ever will," she said.

"But it will," he insisted, tilting her chin up with his finger.  "Okay?  And you got friends and that helps.  You're going to be fine, man."

"Friends?" she said.  

"Like Donna."

"And you?" she breathed, her voice a little high.

He paused and looked up at the night sky, his expression far away.  Finally, he looked her in the face again and said in a low voice, "Yes.  Like me."  He leaned forward then and dropped a soft, chaste kiss on the top of her head.  

Jackie felt her heart seize up in her chest.  _Why, why, why_, she wondered, _why does he do this to me?_  

He took a step back and seemed to be intent on making his way back into the house when Jackie caught his wrist in her hand and stopped him.

"Steven?" she said, but it was all she needed to say.  Jackie searched his face, searched his eyes and reached out and stroked his scruffy cheek with her hand.  Pulling his head toward her she went in for a kiss and he didn't resist.

His lips were soft and warm beneath his beard, just like she remembered it.  The kiss was  sweet, gentle, lips closed, but it made her eyes flutter as well as her heart.  They broke apart but immediately pulled back together, this time the kisses not so innocent or so sweet.  

Jackie latched onto him, her bare hands clutching onto the back of his brown leather jacket.  The coat was open slightly in the front and as she pressed into him she could feel pockets of body heat against her own skin.  His mouth was insistent and she was more than willing.  A moan escaped as he pushed his tongue against her lips and opened her mouth

Jackie could feel his hands against her neck, tangled in her hair.  She let herself fall into him.  She felt so light, like she was floating.  His mouth captured her lower lip and sucked at it.  She whimpered and only pulled him closer.

It was dead quiet outside.  They were far away enough from the house that even the dull throb of music didn't break the silence.  There was only their breathing and the sound of their kisses.

When Jackie thought it couldn't become more intense between them she felt him press a kiss into her deeper and harder than she thought possible, as though every single ounce of what he'd been holding back was pouring out.  His hands braced her across her shoulders and on the small of her back, and slowly he began to tilt her back and she felt as though she were swooning.  Perhaps she was though, she thought.  His mouth dragged against hers and she pushed back, aching to taste his mouth, to capture in memory how it was to kiss Steven Hyde, how much she craved it and never wanted to forget what it felt like.  

It made Jackie almost want to cry, kissing him here in the dark, and she didn't really even know why.  He caressed the length of her neck with a warm hand.  She could feel the calluses on them and wondered faintly what it would feel like to have those hands touching those forbidden places, rubbing circles in her skin and making her weak in the knees.  Jackie arched up against him and kissed him even harder.  She only noticed then that hot tears were spilling from her eyes.

They had been tilting, and the entire world had felt like upside down but right.  But they began to straighten and as sudden as that, Jackie felt him pull away from her, slowly, reluctantly.  

She blinked the tears from her eyes and looked into his.

"What?" she said.

His mouth creased into a thin line and he touched her cheek, shaking his head all the while.  

"What?" she asked again, an edge of panic creeping into her voice.

No one had interrupted them.  There was no one coming, no one to catch them.  Why had he stopped?  Jackie stood on her tip toes and kissed him on the lips, a fleeing brush on the mouth.  

He sighed and pressed his forehead against hers, his eyes closed.  

"Kelso," he said, and there was defeat in his voice.  He drew away again and bent his head to look into her face.  "I can't do this to Kelso, Jackie.  You can't do this to him either.  We…" he faltered, "…can't."

"But what about this summer?"  She stroked his cheek with her hand.  "What about then?"

"You weren't with him then, were you, Jackie?"

She had nothing to say in response to that, but there was another question on her mind, one she had to ask.

"So this is just about Michael then?"

Hyde pursed his lips and pulled off his glasses.  Jackie could see they were covered in frost.  She took a step closer to him.  

"Is it?"

He regarded her and his eyes were like the clear blue sky in the fall, bright like ice, like aquamarine.  

"What do you think?"  And in his voice she couldn't tell what he meant or how he meant those words.  Why he had to be Zen now, she wondered.  But she was too tired to be angry anymore, too emotional spent to hit him or cry or even put up a fight.  She slunk away from him and began to walk away.  She headed towards the side of the house.  She couldn't stay here anymore.

Jackie heard the crunching of snow and his footsteps behind her.  

"Jackie!" he called, his voice exasperated.  "Jackie!  Where are you going?"

"I'm going home," she muttered.

"What are you going to do?" he asked, catching up with her.  "Walk?"

"I don't know."  She knew she was being rash if not downright petulant, but she felt she had every reason to be.  "Maybe."

He grabbed her shoulder.  "No, stop," he said.  "I'll take you home."

"Is that really such a good idea?" she said, afraid to look at him.

"And walking is such a better one?  C'mon," he said, touching her on the small of her back ever-so briefly.  But he didn't touch her again that night after that.

***

They drove in silence back to her house.  Hyde found it increasingly difficult to focus on where he was going with Jackie only a foot away from him.  His knuckles were turning white from how hard he was gripping the wheel.  How was he supposed to concentrate when he wanted to pull over and kiss her until they were both unconscious.  

He didn't bother with asking why felt his way.  That would have been dangerous.

When they reached her house he immediately notice now dark it was.  Not a single light was on anywhere in the house.  It looked cold, abandoned.  He put the el Camino into park and cast a quick glance to his right.

"Well," she said, her voice almost inaudible, "thanks for driving me back."  She didn't look at him when she got out of the car, nor when she reached her door.

But at the door he saw her hesitate.  She held her key in her hand but for some reason she wasn't opening the door.  Hyde sat at the driver's seat and watched her, waiting for her to go in.  Finally, he switched off his ignition and jumped out of the car.

He stood behind her and watched her gazing up at the big, empty house.  It's elaborate front façade was caked in snow like something out of Charles Dickens or some Christmas figurine.  She seemed frozen in her spot.

"Do you…" he wasn't sure if he should say what he was about it say, but it seemed the only right thing to do.  "Do you want me to stay?"

He saw her nod.  

"It's just so empty and I…."

"I understand," he said, and he did.  He remembered when he was nine and Bud had disappeared.  He remembered those nights when Edna was either with one of her boyfriends or drunk somewhere late into the night and he had to be in his run-down house all alone.  He knew how it felt to be in an empty house and how it felt to be so alone.

She turned around and gave him a weak smile, but she at least had looked at him.  "Thank you," she said.

Jackie went upstairs and Hyde stayed at the bottom of the steps until she got into her room.  He could see the faint light of her bedroom fill up the hallway with a dim glow.  He walked into the living room and eased himself onto a couch, a million thoughts running through his brain, a few of which involved Jackie coming downstairs in the middle of the night, but he banished those thoughts as quickly as they came.   

Hyde threw his sunglasses on the table, kicked his boots off and found a throw to use as a blanket.  He touched a finger to his lips absently.  "What the hell am I doing?" he whispered into the dark, but only he heard the question.

**[end chapter eight]**


	9. None of the Above

Unrequited 

**By Jaded (opheliadrowning@hotmail.com)**

Rating: PG-13

Summary:  Decisions are finally made.

A/N: So sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter out.  And saying this, although it's not necessary, it wouldn't be a bad idea to revisits chapter 7 and 8 for a little refresher to make this chapter flow better.

Chapter Nine: None of the Above 

Hyde woke up earlier than normal the next morning.  Used to sleeping in the basement, he was unhappily roused from sleep by the sunlight streaming through the windows of the Burkhart house.  He sat up and rubbed his face with his hands.  Some of the throw pillows were at his feet.  He must have kicked them off in the middle of the night.

For a moment as he sat there, he wondered where he was again, if this had been another one of those nights with another one of those girls.  But it only took a second for him to remember that it was none of the above.  Waking up alone and fully dressed on the couch, it was for sure not "another one of those nights," and the girl had been not just any girl.  Hyde turned around and looked at the staircase leading upstairs.  He wondered if she was still asleep.  He wondered if she had been able to sleep at all.

Hyde got up and walked into the first floor bathroom.  Pale morning light streamed through the small frosted window in the bathroom, and it made the stark white room look even colder than it really was.  Hyde shivered, rubbing his forearms to get some warmth back into his body.  _This was where Jackie lived,_ he thought, _where she lived now, all alone._   He turned on the faucet and splashed some water of his face, blinking the water out of his eyes as he gazed at his reflection in the mirror.  

His normal routine after waking up in a strange house was to leave as quickly as possible, often times before the girl woke up.  It had always worked best that way, and usually there were no hard feelings because the conditions had been understood the night before.  But this was Jackie Burkhart and no such rules applied to her.  She could've been from Neptune for what it was worth.  

She'd freak-out if he left, but maybe he was underestimating her—or rather, overestimating his importance in her life—in her orbit.

_Why does she do this to me?_ he thought, slamming a fist against the porcelain sink.  He winced in pain.  

Hyde left the bathroom holding his hand and swearing underneath this breath and began making his way up the stairs to the second floor, trying hard not to think about what he was doing and especially _why_ he was doing it.

It wasn't difficult finding Jackie's room.  The giant purple poster of the unicorn and the name plate that said "Princess" were dead give-aways, but as he stood before her bedroom door he felt himself hesitating.  Did he want to really go in there?  Or more importantly, should he?  But the sheer fact that he was standing there answered his first question.

Jackie's bedroom.  Bedrooms implied a lot of things.  Naked things in a lot of cases, and naked often meant sex—or vulnerability—and either option made Hyde a little uneasy because both cases involved Jackie.  His brain went into sudden overload.  A hot girl—possibly not fully dressed—was a good thing.  It was not a bad thing, yet…yet.

He had to stop thinking about it.  Pushing his thoughts aside he grabbed the doorknob, twisted it and entered.

Jackie was still asleep.  Hyde breathed a sigh of relief and began to backtrack.

"Steven?"  Her voice was sleepy and soft.

Hyde swore under his breath.  Okay, so she wasn't as asleep as he might have thought.

"Um, hey."

Jackie stirred in bed, still mostly snuggled underneath her sheets.  She made a little noise like a purr.  Hyde swallowed, scratched the back of his neck and did not move from his spot.

Jackie reached out an arm towards him, and then pulled it back quickly.  "Oh, it's so cold," she said and dug herself further into the warm cocoon of her bed.  

Hyde felt his breath catch in his throat.  He could only see the top of her head, the soft halo of her hair.  He took a step forward.  He wanted to get into that bed with her, keep her warm, relive the night before, but he stopped.  Stop.  Go.  Stop.  Go.  He sensed a pattern was developing to their relationship.

Relationship.  The word made him start.  When had this become a relationship?

"Steven?" she said again.

Jackie was sitting up in bed now.  She had propped herself up against a mess of pillows like some princess.  Her hair was out of place and for some reason that made him smile.

"Yeah.  I'm still here."

"I can see that."

He cocked an eyebrow.  "Good morning to you too, sweetheart."

It was the wrong thing to say, so it seemed.  Jackie's face froze and she began to stutter.

Hyde put a hand out to stop her.  "Look, I'm sorry—"

"About what," she said quickly.  "Sorry about what?  Nothing to be sorry about—"

"Jackie."

Jackie threw her hair back behind her shoulder and took a big breath.  "Look.  Steven.  I just—about last night--"

Hyde walked over and sat down on the edge of her bed, his back to her.  "Yeah, about that, Jackie.  Look. . ."

"Steven."

"…I know that what happened. . ." 

"Steven."

". . . probably shouldn't have happened . . ."

"STEVEN!  I'm talking here!"

Hyde stopped and turned around to look at her bossy face.  She had her hands out and was rolling her eyes at him.  He stared at her in disbelief.

"AS I was trying to say, Steven…thank you."

Hyde stared at her.  He could see a few small freckles by her nose that he had never noticed before.  He thought she must have scrubbed her face clean of make-up last night.  He liked the look on her and couldn't help but think that this was something he could get used to seeing.

On impulse he touched her cheek and leaned in and gave her a quick, soft kiss on the mouth.  Her lips were still warm from sleep.  He pulled back, surprised at himself, and waited to see her reaction.  

Morning, it would seem, was their time.  Jackie spared no confused glance, no searching look.  Her arms were around his neck and her mouth found his as though it knew no other place to be.  She didn't seem very sleepy anymore.

Hyde let himself linger there for a moment because he knew that any second he would stop.  He hadn't forgotten what he had said to her last night, but he also didn't want to forget what it was like being with her, kissing her, holding her close and how the entire time he'd feel sick and dizzy and exhilarated.  

But it was she who pulled away first.  Jackie pressed her forehead against his and opened her eyes.  One blue. One green.  

"This is where you leave, isn't it?" she said quietly, already sure of his answer.

Hyde dropped his arms and pushed himself off the bed.  He got to his feet and looked around the room, then back at Jackie.  "Yeah.  I guess so."

She nodded and turned her head away to look at the window as Hyde left the room.  The sun was up and the sky was bright, but no birds sang.  It was the middle of winter.

***

Jackie stayed in bed until past eleven o'clock.  She could stay in bed as long as she wanted.  She could stay in bed until next week if she felt so inclined, but she didn't.  There was just nobody to stop her or anyone to tell her what to do.  She had to take care of herself now.  She had to make decisions beyond that of choosing a brand of conditioner, as important as that was.

It had been a strange few months but she wouldn't have done anything to take them back.  Not the time she has spent with Steven at least, even the painful ones when he hurt her—or when she hurt him.  She wouldn't take them back, not even if she had been given the chance to meet Donnie Osmond and do her hair with Marie.  

But nothing short of serious head trauma could take that away from her.  It was the future that was uncertain and with every passing day it was becoming more obvious to Jackie that she had to make some decisions about who she wanted in her life and how she wanted them if she wanted them at all.

Jackie threw on her bathrobe and headed downstairs to get a late breakfast.  When she hit the cold tiles of kitchen she regretted her decision not to wear socks or slippers but it wasn't enough to make her turn around.

There wasn't a whole lot to eat.  Sure, there were some eggs, some sausage, but Jackie Burkhart did not do cooking.  Instead she found a box of slightly stale cereal and the milk in the fridge hadn't yet expired.  She filled her bowl up and without putting anything away began to head back to her room for breakfast in bed.

But in the living room she stopped.  There were sofa cushions on the floor.  One of the throw pillows had fallen behind the sofa back, and there was a blanket draped over the sofa's left armrest.  Jackie stared.  _Steven slept there last night_, she thought.  _He stayed._  Then she could not help but wonder, _did Michael even notice that I left the party?_

Wouldn't a proper boyfriend have first of all, stayed with their girlfriend?  And if they hadn't, wouldn't they, after a few hours, notice that she was gone and at least tried calling to find her?

Jackie walked over and placed her bowl of cereal on top of the grand piano.  She sat down on the bench seat and played a few keys.  It was out of tune.

Jackie thought about what Steven had said to her a few weeks ago, about how, if she stayed with Michael, she'd only be biding her time before he screwed up and cheated on her, that at some point the other shoe would drop and their relationship would go to hell like it had so many times before.  Was this the shoe, Michael forgetting her, probably at the party making out with Pam Macy for the one hundredth time?

She didn't know but was suspecting just as bad?  Absently, she reached out and took a bite of cereal.  Milk dripped on the polished black wood and Jackie didn't bother wiping it up.  

She couldn't deny that there was attraction, that there were feelings between them, but the problem was that it didn't feel right anymore.  Where Michael Kelso was concerned there had always been a Jackie Burkhart.  She knew that no matter what there would always be a part of Michael that would want her and that there would be a part of her that would crave his desire.  Jackie and Kelso.  They were a lot like death and taxes:  Inevitable, unpleasant, but always a constant variable.  But Jackie hated math.  She sighed and pushed her breakfast away.  Apparently she was only as good at love as she was at math:  middling at best.  She apparently couldn't figure out where Steven fit into the equation.  She kissed him, he left.  He kissed her, she ran away.  She yelled at him, he came back.  It was difficult enough trying to figure out what she wanted, but what he wanted?  With Michael, at least she knew, but was that good enough?

Jackie could hear the grandfather clock ticking, a mournful sound.  She wanted to smash its face and make it stop.  Jackie suddenly started.  _Make it stop._  It was an epiphany, like when she had first discovered make-up.  

Jackie ran up the stairs.  She suddenly had to be somewhere.

***

"Kelso."

Eric had cracked an hour ago.  Fez probably would've cracked in about thirty-seconds but he was out with his girlfriend, Nina, and therefore, was uncrackable.  Hyde was still holding out, though barely.

"Kelso!  Quit it!"

"I caaaaaan't!"

Hyde finally had enough.  It was one wail too many. He planted one of his feet on the cement floor of the basement and with the other one slammed his other booted foot into the sofa.  The whimpering mass of flesh at the end of the couch shrieked between sobs.

"Kelso, either shut up or tell us what's wrong and get it over with!"  Hyde folded his arms over his chest and tried to get his focus back on TV where it belonged.

Eric shook his head in disgust.  "What, did Jackie dump you again, man?"

Kelso's silence spoke for him.

Hyde got quickly out of his seat.  "Did you cheat on her again, Kelso?"  There was an edge to his voice that wavered dangerously on caring but he didn't try to hide it.  If they noticed, they noticed.  If they didn't fine.  Whatever.  Hyde leaned over and frogged Kelso on the shoulder.

"Damn, Hyde!  I didn't do nothing!  I didn't cheat on her!"

"Then why did she break up with you?"

Kelso let out a wet sob.  "I don't know!" he moaned.  "Yesterday she just called me and said we had to talk."  Kelso took a deep breath and tried to unroll from fetal position.  "I thought she wanted to make out, or you know, talk about how good looking we were, but she was all serious and stuff when I met up with her."

Hyde let Kelso compose himself a little more and watched him as his friend tried to find the words.  Hyde tried to ignore the fact that Eric wasn't watching Kelso but watching him, his eyebrow cocked, his lips quirked in a strange smile.

"Jackie was all like, 'it's not you, it's me.'  I mean, what is that, man?  Then she started talking about how we weren't going to last, how we we're 'right' for one another.  Whatever.  I mean, we're totally hot together and we're good at doing it and making out, what more do you need in a relationship?"  Kelso started hyperventilated into his hand.  He looked up at Hyde, his eyes swimmy with tears.  "I gotta get her back, Hyde.  I just gotta."

The words came out of his mouth before he could give them a second thought.  "Why?"

Kelso's expression was blank and his mouth froze as it tried to form a sentence.  

"Why?" Hyde pressed, his heart racing in his chest.  He swore underneath his breath.

"Because—" Kelso looked at Eric for help, but Eric shrugged.  "Damn, Hyde!  Because!  She's Jackie and I'm Kelso and we're like, in love or something.  We just belong together, okay?"

_Or something,_ Hyde thought to himself.  

"Why do you have to ask me hard questions, Hyde?  Can't you see that I'm hurting inside.  Don't make me think too!  I can only hurt in so many parts of my body at the same time."

Hyde paced over to the washer and dryer and leaned up against it.  His stomach was tied all up in knots and he couldn't make the feeling go away.  He couldn't stop thinking about Jackie.  The problem was he didn't know what to think about her.

With most girls he didn't think because he didn't have to.  He just did.  It worked out that way, no strings tied, no emotions attached, but he knew he was already long past that point and there was no going back.  Jackie wasn't just any girl, and she wasn't just _a person_ to him.  She was just Jackie if it was possible for her to be "_just"_ anything.  

Kelso sniffled and began talking again.  "I have to win her back."  He looked up at Hyde and Eric, his face hopeful.  "You know what?  I totally have a plan."

"Does this somehow involve special brownies and a giant butterfly net?" Eric asked.

"What?  No," Kelso said, waving it off.  Then he paused.  "You know that's not such a--"

"Kelso," Hyde barked.

"Right."  Kelso wiped his snotty nose on the sleeve of his shirt.  "Jackie's birthday is coming up, and what does Jackie like more in the world than presents?  Oh man!"  Kelso jumped up from his seat.  "We're so going to get back together!  I'll get her the perfect present and she'll fall right back into these strong arms of mine!  It's fool-proof!"

"That's good for you then, isn't it, Kelso?" Eric said, giggling.

"Isn't it?"  Kelso said admirably.  "Oh man, I gotta go then, don't I?"

Hyde sat back down in his chair and readjusted his sunglasses.  He propped his feet back up on the chair and folded his arms together, focusing all his attention back on the rerun of "I Love Lucy" that was playing.  Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Kelso run out of the door and into the snow.

"How long before he realizes he's forgotten his shoes?" Eric sniggered.

Hyde looked up at Eric, his mouth dry.  "Uh, uh."  Hyde blinked hard and shook his head to clear his mind.  "Yeah, he forgot his shoes," he said, not answering Eric's question.  Hyde stood up.  "Maybe I should take them to him."

"What?  And miss out on an opportunity to burn Kelso?  Who are you, and what have you done with the real Steven Hyde?"  Eric laughed again, immensely pleased with himself.

"Good point," he said, heading toward the door.

"Hey!" Eric called.  "Aren't you going to go bury them or something?  That would be pretty funny."

But Hyde was already out the door.

***

"I can't believe you broke up with Kelso."  Donna traced a finger over the pattern of Jackie's bedspread.  "I guess Kelso's really history for you.   I never thought that'd happen unless you met someone else."  Donna's finger suddenly stopped running over the floral pattern of the comforter.  "Oh my god.  You met someone else!"

Jackie had been empty her "Michael" box.  She chucked the stupid rubber chicken into the garbage, a momento of their first year anniversary.

"What?  That's crazy talk, Donna.  You're crazy!"

Donna looked skeptical.  She waggled her eyebrows at Jackie.  "C'mon, Jackie, who is it?  I was gone all summer long.  Was it some guy you met over the summer?  Oh, was it forbidden love?"  For someone who dressed like a lumberjack, Donna sometimes surprised Jackie with her more romantic notions.

"It's not like that," Jackie said, and it wasn't.  She had made the decision the day after the party that Michael, sweet, stupid, sometimes thoughtless Michael, just wasn't right for her anymore, and she wasn't right for him.  She also told herself this wasn't because of Steven.  Not entirely at least.  

Her mother was missing in action.  Her father was in prison.  It didn't feel right for her anymore to act like a child, and part of her childhood had Michael tied up in it like knots and Chinese finger traps.  Not just because they had started dating when she was so young, but that how she thought of him—this beautiful, romantic idea of what love was, how a couple behaved—everything, that wasn't her anymore.  She didn't want to be that girl anymore, and she didn't think that she could be a grown-up Jackie if she stayed with him.

Jackie shrugged and lobbed a superball into the garbage.  God, how she hated things that bounced.  "I just decided that it was a bad idea to get back together with Michael, that's all, Donna.  So I broke up with him before either of us could get too hurt."

"Wow, Jackie.  That's a really mature thing for you to do.  What's happened to you?"

_What?_ Jackie thought.  _And who._

"Anyway," Donna continued when she realized that she wasn't going to get an answer, "I have to go meet up with Eric soon, but don't think I forgot."

Jackie looked up.  "Forgot what?"

Donna gave her an odd look, like Jackie had just declared that her dream was no longer to be a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader, bur rather, a Dallas Cowboys linebacker.  

"Your birthday?"

Jackie sputtered.  Was it already her birthday?  She couldn't believe she had forgotten it herself.  Neither could Donna.  

"I guess with my parents gone and this thing with Michael…"

"Yeah.  So uh, I got you something."   Donna reached down into her purse and pulled out a square package wrapped in shiny blue paper.  Jackie squealed.  Sure, she was more grown up in some ways and in other ways was no longer like a child, but she hadn't changed completely.

"Oh, give me!"  Jackie tore the gift out of Donna's hand and ripped off the wrapping.  "I hope it's a—book?"  In her hand Jackie held a copy of _The Feminine Mystique._  Was Donna trying to say that she didn't she was feminine enough?  "Uh, thanks, Donna.  That's really sweet of you.  And if you want to borrow this _any time_, don't be afraid to ask.  I think you might need this more than me."

Donna gave her another weird look.  "I got you something else too, Jackie, don't worry.  But really, read it some time.  I think the new, grown-up Jackie might appreciate it."

"Sure, sure.  Now you said other present?"

Donna held out another package, a smaller one.  Jackie took it more gingerly this time and unwrapped it slowly, more ladylike, and she was rewarded for her efforts.  Inside a small gray box was a pair of sparkly blue earrings.  In the light, the colors danced like moonlight on snow.  Jackie threw her arms around her best friend and hugged her tightly.  

"Thank you," she said, and she really meant it.

Donna left, but ten minutes after she had gone the doorbell rang.  Jackie ran to open the door, wondering why her friend had come back.  Honestly, she thought, she couldn't have forgotten her mittens or anything.  They were huge!  How could anyone miss those?

But Donna wasn't at the door.  It was Michael, his cheeks rosy pink from cold.  He held in his hand a large package.  It seemed like she was the only one that had forgotten her birthday.  Jackie shuffled her feet and finally, asked him to come in.

"What do you want, Michael?"

"What?  Can't I just come over and give my best girl her birthday present?"

"I'm not your girl anymore, Michael."

He seemed to ignore her comment and pressed on.  "I just want to make you happy, Jackie."

"Michael, a present isn't going to make me get back together with you."

"I'm not trying anything," he said, but Jackie didn't believe him.  He had that look in his eye which either meant he was up to something, or else he had just swallowed something alive.

"I don't think this is a good idea, Michael.  I don't want you to get any ideas if I take this."

"Jackie!  Since when do I get ideas?"

"If I take this," she began slowly, "will you accept the fact that I'm only taking this as your friend?"

"Yeah, Jackie.  But wait until you see it!"

"Michael!"

"I mean--"

"Michael, just stop, okay?"  Jackie sighed and sat down, placing the package on her lap.  He followed suit and sat down next to her.  She ripped the paper down the side and it opened up into a shirt box.  She lifted the top and revealed a fuzzy pink sweater.

"Oh," she breathed.  She could never resist anything pink and fuzzy.  "It's beautiful, Michael.  Thank you."

He grinned and shrugged sheepishly.  "It's hot, isn't it?"

"Sure, Michael."

"Hot enough that you'll unbreak-up with me?"   He leaned over and tried to kiss her.  She shoved him away.

"Michael!"

"Damn!  You can't blame me for trying."

"Yes I can!"  Jackie pushed the sweater back into his arms.  She didn't want to part with it, but it was the idea of it.  "You need to leave now, Michael, before I get angry."

"Jackie!"

"What did I say, Michael? You can't do this.  It's not going to work.  I'm not going to unbreak-up with you!"

"But."

"No!"

"Well at least take the sweater then," he said as she pushed him closer to the front door.

"I said no!"

"You have to.  I can't return it.  I stole it."

"Oh god, Michael.  Leave," she said.  "Now!"  Jackie pushed him out the front door and then threw the sweater after him.  She slammed the door before he could say anything more.

Jackie stormed upstairs to her bed room and went directly to her Michael box.  She grabbed and headed over to the wastebasket in her room and dumped the contents directly into the trash.  She was so done with him.

And she was so done with him five minutes later when she heard the doorbell ring again.

"Leave me alone!" she yelled down the stairs.  The doorbell rang again.  Jackie refused to open it.  It rang one more time, more insistently than before, and Jackie wanting him to just stop, ran down the stairs to tell him off one more time.  Michael was so like that.  You had to tell him things at least three times before he listened or got the point.

Throwing the door open, Jackie was surprised to see no one there.  Had he given up and gone home?  That was unlike him.  She took a step outside in her bare feet and almost fell over.  She looked down.  There was a box on the doorstep, wet with snow.  It was wrapped in brown paper and there was no note attached to it.  She picked it up and then looked around to see if the mailman had come, if anyone was around, but the streets were quiet.  It was just her.

Closing the door behind her she went into the living room again and sat down on the sofa.  Putting the box on the table she stared at it for a full minute before opening it.  It briefly occurred to her that it could very possibly be a bomb, but noticing no ticking she went ahead and opened it, thought carefully.

Inside, the contents were wrapped in white tissue paper.  On top, a note.  Jackie felt her legs tingle, and for some reason, she could feel her heart fluttering into her throat.  She picked up the paper and glanced around before reading it, as though she expected someone else to be there with her.

Unfolding it, she read the message printed out in block letters:  "JUST SO YOU KNOW."

Everything started to make sense then, but then not make sense because there, beneath the folds of soft tissue paper, there were shoes.

**[end chapter nine]**


	10. More Than Just

_Unrequited_

_by Jaded_

Rated: PG-13

Summary:  Jackie's mysterious gift leads her to seek out the giver.  Final chapter.

A/N:  I am so sorry this has taken months and months to finish, but at last it is done.  This is the last chapter of this story and probably the last T70S fan fic I will be writing.  Thank you to everyone who has been so supported of this story and especially those who have sent me feedback.  It's been a rewarding writing experience and I can only hope that I do this final chapter some justice.

Chapter 10:  More Than Just

It was not a question about letting people into his life. He didn't do that. He never had. Even with Mrs. Forman, who was like the mother he had never really had, Hyde had never let her "in." The people around him sometimes toed the line or maybe wandered around the periphery, peering through the cracks of a fence. Once in a while, he might even let them in to visit, but those times were rare and few and far in between because he had been burned too many times before. For instance, when Bud had come limping back into his life, only to run off with Edna in the end. One amongst many examples.  
  
But now, with Jackie, he had opened a door. Hell, he hadn't just opened a door. He'd opened the door and shoved in a pair of shoes, that's what he had done.   
  
He sat on his cot and cradled his head in his hands.   
  
"Oh, God," he moaned.   
  
Yet for all he was feeling, for everything he was thinking about, he didn't regret his actions, not on that front, at least not yet. He had laid his cards on the table and had at least that satisfaction that whatever happened he'd been a man about it.  Or had he?  He was still waiting to hear from her, to find out her reaction. Jackie would understand, wouldn't she?  Underneath all that pink, that bubbly-bitchy front she put on when there were other people were around, Jackie was sharp.

He liked that about her.  He liked it a lot.  While someone like Donna might have been smarter, Hyde didn't know anyone else, except maybe for himself, who could burn someone like Jackie could.  He had to give himself some credit though.  Before he had taught her the ways of Zen, she had been another lost member of the flock.  

He absently scratched his forearm, not sure what he was doing or what he was supposed to be doing or could be doing, because if he as going to be honest with himself, all he was doing now was thinking about her.  Waiting for her.  This wasn't an incarnation of himself that he was used to, and he didn't know if he liked it.

He got up and began to pace the room.  There was going to be a groove in the basement floor soon if he didn't stop, but he felt nervous and twitchy, like he was expecting the police to come in any second, slam him up against a wall and read him his Miranda rights.  

"I just need to get some air," he said out loud.  He ran a hand through his curly hair, his fingernails digging into his scalp.  He stopped his pacing and feeling determined, headed towards the door to go outside.  Hyde paused a second before he opened it.  His hand was on the knob, but a heartbeat went by before he opened it.  Finally he just twisted the knob and swung the door open to be greeted by the same cement stairs that were always there.  He felt embarrassment rush through as a hot flush, and cursed himself for being an idiot.  What the hell had he been expecting, really?  It wasn't as though she was really going to be there.

*

She flew out of her house to find him, but only after she had tried on the shoes a few times.  And of course, since she had been trying on the shoes, she had to try them on with different outfits to see how they would look with this or that skirt, or occasionally, with the right slacks or jeans.  She beamed at her reflection in the mirror as she twirled in a periwinkle blue dress, the first outfit she had tried on.  The shoes had looked perfect, and she had to admit she looked knock-out.  Maybe it had to do something with the shoes, she thought.  

Jackie leaned in closer to the mirror and touched the palms of her hands to her cheeks.  Was this the rosy flush of a perfect complexion, she wondered, or was this the flush of true love?  

"Both?" she said out loud, and decided that yes, that must have been so.  She spun around again, glowing with joy.  She loved him.  He loved her.  He had to love her.  She felt her heart flutter wildly in her throat.  Steven Hyde and Jackie Burkhart.  Who would have thought?  Not her for one, but she couldn't imagine anyone else in the world besides him attached to her name, not even Donnie Osmond or Andy Gibb.  

And certainly not Michael Kelso.  What they had had was once beautiful, but it was over now, and she knew and she embraced it.  A part of her past would always love him, maybe, but if she chose to live in the past she would still be wearing last year's fashions, and that was just wrong.

She had to find Steven now, to tell him about how she had finally broken it off with Michael, about how she had gotten his shoes, and how she was sure now that she loved him and wanted to be with him, and that he had to tell her the same.  Jackie rushed to her bathroom and reapplied her make-up and spritzed herself with her favorite perfume.

An hour and a half after receiving the package, she rushed out of her front door in her brand new shoes and with his note tucked into the breast pocket so it would be near her heart.  She touched it one more time and heard it crinkle in her pocket, smiling to herself that it was really there and that it wasn't all just a dream.

*

She pulled into the Forman's driveway at quarter past the hour and rushed down the back stairs to the basement.  Mr. Forman who had been cleaning out the garage shouted after her.

"Get your damn car out of my driveway!  I have to go to the store and you're blocking the Honda!"

"Sorry, gotta go!" she said, sprinting past him.

"Damn kids!"

When she reached the basement she was greeted by a loud, shrill scream.

"Jackie!"

"Fez!"

Fez looked shell-shocked and guilty, his hands holding onto what had once been a bright blue balloon.  They stared at one another, then Jackie suddenly noticed her surroundings.  Balloons and streamers were strung around the room in an attempt at making it look less ugly.  There was a shiny banner that read "Happy Birthday."  This was for her, she realized.

"What's going on?"  

Donna emerged from Steven's room, a party hat sitting askew on the top of her mop of red hair.  When she saw Jackie she stopped dead in her tracks.  Behind her, Eric followed in tip-toe.  "If it's a spider," he said, "I want none of that!"  When he noticed Jackie his face went from fear to look of pain.  "Oh, it's you," he said, his voice bored.

"You guys are throwing me a party?" she said, beaming.

"It was supposed to be a surprise," Donna said, taking the hat off.

"That's so sweet!"

"I'd just like to say right now that I had no hand in this," Eric said.  "I was strong-armed into helping out."  She saw him glare at Donna, and then saw him rub his arm tenderly.  "Literally."  Jackie ignored him.

"Well now the surprise is ruined!" Fez shouted, upset.  "This means no surprise, no party, and no cake!"

"No it doesn't, Fez," Donna said.

He brightened.  "You mean there still shall be sweet, delicious chocolate cake?"

Jackie scanned the room once more, hoping that Steven would emerge eventually, but he didn't appear.  "Where's Steven?" she finally asked.

"Hyde?" Eric said.  "He's probably off debauching as we speak.  You know those wacky kids these days, always getting into some crazy shenanigans."

"Do you know where he is then?"

"Why are you looking for Hyde?" Eric ask, his eyebrow raised in suspicion.

"Oh nevermind!" she said, and turned heel to leave.

"Where you are going, Jackie?" Donna said.  She took a giant lumberjack step and grabbed Jackie's elbow. "Since you're here, why don't we just start the party?"

Jackie ripped away from Donna's grip, then turned to her friend, her face fierce.  Donna stared back, her look of confusion changing into a look of understanding.

"There's something I have to do," Jackie whispered, her eyes suddenly wet.   Donna looked into her face and seemed to understand.  She nodded without another word and let Jackie go.

*

With every minute that passed Jackie grew more and more anxious. She didn't know what it was but it seemed to her that every minute they were not together they were only slipping further and further apart.  She had to find Steven.  She had to find him now.

Her search covered most of Point Place.  She went to places she had never ever visited before in her entire life.  She went to places that they had been to together.  The Point.  The mall.  The dark alley where he had taken the fall for her bag of pot.  

After an hour Jackie began to wonder if maybe he was wandering around the town looking for her.  Maybe, she thought, they were both going to the same places but just not at the same time.  Maybe they just kept on missing one another.  Jackie imagined him standing in the spot where they had had their first kiss, his eyes staring out into the tiny city below and thinking of her.  

She considered staying in one place for an hour, maybe half an hour, waiting to see if he showed up.  Then she felt her mood blacken and doubt crept into her mind.  What if he hadn't been the one to send the gift?  What if he was gone because he was with some other girl, some girl who wasn't her?

Jackie pulled her car to the side of the road and put her head against the wheel.  What if she had just wasted all this time on a fool's errand?

It was then, though, that she saw a car she recognized, a black el Camino, gliding into the parking lot where the Foto Hut sat.  She made out his shadow and no other and quickly pulled her car back into the lane to follow him.

She saw him disappear into the hut before she managed to get her car near, but he did not look as though he was going to be going anywhere soon.  Jackie took a deep, calming breath before she got out, but it did little to help.  Her nerves felt like she was being prickled with a hundred pieces of broken glass, but she knew she couldn't leave.  She couldn't run away anymore.  There was only moving forward, and towards him was the only way she wanted to go.

Jackie grabbed the door knob and burst in.  "I broke up with Michael!" she blurted out. She  waited to hear if he would say anything, or just even if he had anything left to say to her.

*

He had been thinking long and hard about it.  "It" meaning "Jackie," and "Jackie" meaning…well he didn't know what but it was putting him on edge.  

Hyde had driven around Point Place all afternoon.  He had eaten some fries at the Hub, smoked a joint in a back alley near Point Place High, but it hadn't helped to clear his mind.  Who would've thunk it, he thought wryly, weed and concentrated amounts of fat not making things any clearer to him?

A garden variety of thoughts had come to mind.  He had mulled over various governmental conspiracy points.  He thought about his friendship with Kelso.  He thought about his relationship with his parents, or what had remained of it.  And he had thought of Jackie, and he had thought about her long and hard.  

Somehow he had ended up at the Foto Hut.  Had he been looking for Leo?  Hoping that the old stoner would have some sage words of advice?  He didn't know for sure but in the end it didn't matter.  Leo wasn't there.  

The last person he expected to see was Jackie though, so when she appeared in the doorway a minute after he had entered, surprise would not have even begun to describe what he felt.

"I broke up with Michael!"

Her hair was tied back in a ponytail, but wisps of hair danced loosely around her face.  Her cheeks were flushed with the lightest shading of pink and her eyes were large and dark and shimmering ever-so-lightly like the water in a wishing well.  Hyde felt himself loose his breath for a moment, but recovered quickly, feeling his resolve harden, his grip on reality return.

"So?"

Jackie froze, taken aback by his response.

"So?" she echoed.

He clenched his fists, looked down at the floor, then back up at her.  He shrugged.

"So?" she said again.  Jackie took a step towards him.  "And a shrug?"  Her face burned with embarrassment, a hint of fury.  "No!"

"No?"

"A shrug is not going to cut it, Steven!"

She was so close.  He wanted to reach out and grab her, pull her into his arms and feel her squirm there.  He wanted to remember how warm she felt, how comfortable she felt there next to him.  But maybe that had all been a dream.  Maybe what they had had was supposed to start and end where it had begun.  Hyde didn't believe in fate and all that meant-to-be crap, but he did believe that some things were best left as they were.  

What he and Jackie had had over those few weeks in the summer had been, (he felt like a sap for even thinking it), but it had been almost perfect.  Every moment.  Every day.  It had been a reason to get up in the morning.  It had been a reason to get up early and go to bed late, and even when he was dreaming, he was dreaming about her, and for a while he had felt something like happiness.  

But if they continued any further, in all likelihood it would ruin that morsel of perfection.  He wanted to keep it for himself, hide it away in his pocket.  If he didn't end it now there would be fights.  There would be anger.  There would be abandonment or heartbreak, or betrayal.  Life was such a joke already.  He wondered if it was possible to keep just one thing that wasn't.

"Was there something you wanted to say to me?" he said evenly, trying to keep all emotion out of his voice.  He leaned back against the counter trying to look cool and calm as possible.

Jackie took another step towards him.  "I thought," she looked at the floor, then into his face, "I thought there was something _you_ had to say to me, Steven."  She gestured towards her feet.  "I thought maybe, there was something you wanted to explain.  Maybe something to declare?"  Her voice rose on the list word, a lilt of hope.  And here he was, ready to crush it.  He had to.

"Well, you thought wrong."

She suddenly lashed out, kicking him in the shins with her new shoes.  "Dammit, Steven!"

"Geez, Jackie!" he yelped, jumping away from her but banging into the counter instead.  "What the hell?"

"What the hell?  What the hell is wrong with you?"

Yes, he thought, what the hell was wrong with him?

"You buy me these shoes, you leave notes at my door.  I don't know, Steven, from the evidence it looks like there's something you want to tell me."

A coldness swept through him, and though he knew what he was about to say was hurtful and untrue, he felt that he had to say it because he thought of the summer and he thought about the memory and how he could hold it tight and close forever, and the words came spilling out before he knew it.

"Some things just aren't meant to be, Jackie.  Like us.  We're not meant to be."

"What about," she started, "what about last summer?  What about this whole last year?  And what about today?  You're telling me all of this meant nothing to you?  Because I can't believe that."

"Jackie you believe in unicorns and fairies and true love.  I don't.  Don't you get it?  We just don't make sense.  I'm sorry if I lead you on or anything, but you'll get over it.  You can write this off as one of those 'unrequited' things, but you'll get over it, and you'll get over me."

"You bastard."  She was near tears.  "If you think I'm just going to 'get over' this, then you don't know me at all."

"I never claimed to know you," he said quietly. 

"But you do," she said, her voice a whisper, "and I know you."

He steeled himself for this moment.  You're used to this part, he told himself.  Just watch her leave and then turn around and don't look back.  It gets easier with each and every time, but he knew he was kidding himself here.  

But Jackie did not leave.  What she did was drop the bomb, bring out the dragon killer, and it devastated him.  

"I love you," she said.  "Don't you get it yet?"  

Sure you do, his brain told him, but he remained silent on that subject.  He cleared his throat, tried to recompose himself.

"I could get any girl I wanted, Jackie.  Why would I want to stick with just one?"  The words stuck in his throat like a sideways pill, but he managed to get them to jumble out of his mouth.

"Because," she said, another step closer to him.  He could almost smell the scent of her shampoo on her hair.  "Because maybe you could have any girl you wanted, I could get any guy I wanted, but it doesn't mean that either one of us would really _want _them, or that any of these random people would actually mean anything.  Not like this.  Like us."

She put a hand on his cheek.  Her hand was soft and small and cold.  Without realizing he had done it, his hand had reached up to cover hers.  His fingers twined with hers and they held it there.

"I don't need you to say that you love me, Steven, but I need something.  You have to give me something.  I'm not your mom, Steven.  I'm not your dad.  I'm not going to leave you if you don't want me to, but I need something."

She waited.  He waited, and suddenly it was too long and he felt her pull her hand away from his, felt her slip away.  She turned and tucked her hands into her pockets.  She headed for the door and he helplessly watched her go.  She was halfway out and it was then that he found his voice.

"Jackie."

She stopped but did not turn around, but she was waiting.  He just needed the time.

"Jackie," he started again, and told himself to stop thinking and being a pansy and just say it before it was too late.  "I--"

"Yes?" she said slowly.

"I do…like you."

She finally turned around and he saw her smile.  It had been a long time since he had last seen it.

He bit his tongue and then cursed himself.  Bit the bullet, dumbass, he thought.  Get it over with.

"I like you. I…I more than _just like _you."

Jackie squealed, and she as suddenly in his arms, squirming around and kissing him all over his face.  He had to fight her off to get another word it.

"Geez, Jackie, chill will you?"

"You _like_ me!  A lot!  I knew it!"  Her grin as triumphant and infuriating.  

Hyde knew only one patented way of getting that off her face.  He leaned in and kissed her, his tongue finding her lips and opening her sweet mouth to make the kiss even deeper.  Jackie more than willingly reciprocated, her arms reaching around him to pull him closer if that was even humanly possible.   

She broke the kiss to nuzzle his face, and then he pulled her back in for another kiss, relishing the softness of her face and the warmth that was washing his coldness away. The tiny morsel of perfection began to grow.  He could feel it surging through his blood, clouding his brain.  Then again, maybe it was just Jackie and the effect of kissing and holding her, but maybe it was all one in the same.  He hugged her tighter.

"Thank you for the shoes," she whispered, her lips grazing his earlobe.  

"Any time, babe," he said, kissing her again.  "Any time."

THE END


End file.
